Susan Thom

What Makes Us Work, When We Feel Broken


Posted: Monday, May 07, 2007

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What is it that makes us keep moving, when all around us is out of form, out of alignment? When things happen that hurt us, what makes us cook dinner? What makes us throw a load of laundry in, when we know we have to go back and put it in the dryer? Worse yet, we have to fold them and put them away. When life seems bleak, what pushes us to take the dog out? If we didn’t care, we’d just let them go in the house. So, care has to be one of our motivators. What makes us care? Since my husband left, he hasn’t sent any money, the taxes need to be paid, and college tuition, I’m filing for divorce, and fighting to keep our home going, I’m running back and forth to court, why do I buy pansies for the front porch?

Is it upbringing? My mother was Italian Catholic, and she did her job laying on the guilt. She also was a nurse, so we got the shame of doing something wrong, and then, stories of kids who didn’t do the right things, and were hurt in accidents of all kinds. "You’re going to break your neck" was one of her most frequent sayings. I guess she had a lot of neck injuries. And then I had my dad, who was an ex marine, need I say more? Very strict, no nonsense, unless he initiated it, and no desire to come home from work and deal with a tale of what four kids did to their mother that day. But, he never missed a day of work, and he took care of his family. We lived in a duplex, and my grandmother lived next door, my mother’s mother at that, and he always showed her respect, even though they didn’t get along. There was no staying home from school unless you couldn’t talk, or had a hundred and three fever. And if you did, you didn’t get off the couch. My mother also never missed a day, or night of work, she worked both shifts over the years, even when she wasn’t feeling well. She would push herself. She’d make herself get up from the one hour nap she’d take before she had to leave, and then would start with her routine of white stockings, bra, slip, uniform, and white sweater. I was always so proud of her.

Is that what instilled the ability to keep going, even when it feels like everything is falling down? Was the exposure to those examples enough on their own? Both my parents were always on time. Are they the reason I was at the lawyer’s all by myself this morning, twenty minutes early? Both have passed away, but does their legacy linger? How do others who don’t grow up with the same type of parents handle difficult situations? Do they need a mentor, or a 12 step program, or a chat room to discuss what their parents never told them? Is there even an answer? Can you just learn as you go along? I know my kids have learned both by my beliefs, and what they found out on their own. I told my son to go slow when it was wet, and around sharp turns. A reminder, if you will, he knew intellectually that you do this, but one night decided to go fast in the rain, around a sharp curve. He rolled his truck twice. Thankfully, he wasn’t hurt. But, he had no vehicle, no freedom, and I had to drive him back and forth to work until he saved for another car.

He learned to slow down. I begged my daughter not to crowd surf at these concerts, but she did. She’s been dropped on her head, punched in the mouth, and kicked. She still does it. We told her there was a recall on her tires, to take her car to the dealer and get the ballbearings fixed. Nada. In two separate incidents, her ballbearings let loose, and she lost her tires. Luckily, no one got hurt. Now she no longer has a car, and I pick her up from work everyday while she saves for a new car! Her friend at least, picks her up at seven in the morning, most days. We have a lake behind our house. If I tell my 3 kids the water is too cold because it’s only been ninety degrees today!, and they jump in and it takes their breath away, I guess they had to learn on their own. Everything’s always a combination, so I’m going with that. A combination of parental guidance, extended family guidance, neighbor guidance, teacher guidance, peer guidance, and then the toughest of all, conscience guidance. My mother always told me not to stay in a car if the driver was going to fast. Didn’t happen. Don’t smoke, it’s not good for you. Didn’t happen. Don't drink, it'll take away your inhibitions. Didn't happen. But I knew the whole time I was doing any of the above, lightning may strike at any time.

I guess if we’ve been exposed, by anyone in our lives, who told us to follow our dreams, take care of ourselves and our family, be on time, work an honest day, be respectful and responsible, always tell the truth and treat others the way you want to be treated, and put one foot in front of the other and do what you have to do, then we will do what we have to do when we need to do it. I’ll keep going through the metal detector to sue my kid’s father for monies he owes this household, and I will go in front of judges, and say what’s right, and I will survive, so my kid’s, too, shall survive.

I’ve been exposed!



Susan Thom is the mother of three children, two sons, 20 and 23, and a daughter 25. Her older son is in the air force in Germany right now, and her daughter is in the army in Tacoma, Washington.

Writing calms her, and gives her a place to go by herself! Clears the head and gets it out. She lives in a rural area, with a lake and mountains, and her partner, and has loved writing since she was a child.

She has been on a journey of self discovery for twenty years, and has learned many things about the human mind, and how to maintain some semblance of calm and peace within.

If someone reads one of her stories, and relates to her feelings, and gets a suggestion on how she dealt with them in a positive way, that would be the ultimate gift of her writing.

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