How Does Desperation Feel
Posted: Saturday, June 23, 2007
by Susan Thom
A friend tried to kill himself two weeks ago. He took anti depressants and sleeping pills. His roommate found him and got help. They pumped his stomach, and he entered himself into a clinic. Why? What makes someone feel that desperate, that destitute, that hopeless?
He has kids. They can't fill whatever void he is searching for. And because they can't, he may resent them for it. He's searching, and he can't find what he's looking for on this earth, so he figures he might as well leave it. No one else will get hurt. Not his family! What makes us all so different I wonder. When I have felt so desperate, so desolate, so degraded, so alone, I got stronger, and fought back in an intelligent way. Killing myself was never an option. I never gave it a thought. I knew I had to be as brave as I knew how to be when I was down and out, and I had to choose to do the right things for myself, and get back on track.
I don't know what to say to him anymore. I've always tried to get him to see the path of what is right and what is wrong. You don't steal, you keep your word, don't expect not to get fired if you don't go to work, learn how to control your anger and your reactions to things and situations and people. And for God's sake, stop drinking. I had to stop thirteen years ago. Alcoholism and the "isms" attached, or the bad character defects, need to be seriously dealt with and controlled. The only control is not to do what my friend chose to do, and "only drink on Saturdays." And then it becomes Mondays, too, then Wednesdays, and so on, until you're worse off than you were before. Until you're renting a room in someone else's home, and trying to kill yourself in his spare room. How do you get there?
What choices must you make to bring you to that point? Why does your brain think the way it does to make those choices? Is it lack of parenting? Is it lack of attention and love? Is it Catholic school and the nuns and the often times, humiliation? Is it the friends one keeps? Is it the dominating father? Is it the sympathetic mother? What gets you to the place where you feel death by your own hand, is better than making some changes in your life? I can feel all the pain, I know what that's about. I can feel the desperation and hopeless feeling of doom, I've been there. I can feel the anger at the world and everyone in it for my situation, which I tend to forget, I chose to get into. I can feel the hatred being stronger than the absence of any positive or happy feelings. I can feel the loneliness at being removed from everyone I love. What I don't feel, is the desire to take a lot of pills and end my life.
I'm not judging his decision in any type of moral or emotional way. I just wish I knew what makes him turn to that solution, instead of more positive ones. He recently broke up with his girlfriend. He was by himself. So what? Women lose their husbands and husbands lose their wives. Life afterwards can be at least doable, and hopefully, happy. My aunt lost her husband, and she lives alone. She is lonely, and she misses him, but she has made a life for herself. She has friends, she goes on vacations, she has my other aunt and her husband, and their family, and she lives her life. Why didn't she try to kill herself? I wish I could figure it out so I could help my friend. I don't know what to do anymore, and haven't for a long time.
Maybe this clinic will be the one he's supposed to attend to get the type of help he needs. Or, in a matter of time, he'll be back. Sometimes, there's just nothing we can do to help the ones we care about. We can't live their lives for them, and if they don't take our advice, there really isn't much more we can say. I wish him the strength he'll need to get through this ordeal. I'll pray for him to stay strong and focused and learn what it is he is meant to learn there.
Life doesn't have to be so bleak, even at it's bleakest! There's always a path we can take to get back on track. It may be hard, and lonely, and self sacrificing, but if we do the right things, I believe life is definitely worth enjoying.
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Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)Susan, you should get involved with some kind of counseling. I believe you have a natural talent in getting through to a lot of troubled kids out there. "good article"Please log in to respond to this comment.thank you David, you always have such honest reviews, and i appreciate it, whichever way they go. i have been told many times about the counseling for kids. i may take that up once my world gets back in line. i feel for all who have to suffer, whether emotionally or physically. best regards, susan thomPlease log in to respond to this comment.
Sue, strong article. I empathize with you, especially since my own brother-in-law actually was successful in committing suicide a little over one year ago. I am not a therapist, but I strongly believe we can never understand the true feelings of torment that these people are going through. You may see a beautiful sunny day and they, on the otherhand, will notice that one cloud and it will ruin the entire sky. I pray for your family and brother and truly hope that he gets serious help as this attempt is a cry for help that should not be taken lightly.Please log in to respond to this comment.
Susan, you are asking good questions. I don't know what it would be like to desire the permanence of death over even several bad years. I guess you can't know til you have walked it.Please log in to respond to this comment.
Susan there are no easy answers. Having worked with youth I found it most troubling that one could not solve every situation. No man has the answer and yet they do. It is right under their very noses but they choose day in and day out to ignore it. It is called Love of Neighbor and acceptance. Until we instaill that in society, it will continue as is. I know that sounds corny or stupid but it lies within our spiritual being. It starts with an understanding of self worth and our uniqueness in creation. It starts with workers in the field who are what they say they are and not just what and who they profess. For many it it is more about them then those they supposedly help, not all of course but many. Good article butPlease log in to respond to this comment.
never finished the line. But even while we try our very best we sometimes fail. It has to start witht he individual. certainly professional help is somehting that should always be sought but even they accept their failures. It is just aprt of the trial of life we have no answer for. beat wishesPlease log in to respond to this comment.
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