My Home Being My Castle, I Don't Want To Leave
Posted: Friday, July 06, 2007
by Susan Thom
I love my home. I have put twenty years of time and pride into every nook and cranny. Two and a half baths and four bedrooms to keep up with. Crazy, but true. I grew up with one bathroom for six people. I’ve stopped cleaning my teenagers' rooms, but I kept them spotless and tidy and clean when they were growing up. Something they weren’t too keen on, but I loved having everything look so beautiful. I also wanted them to grow up surrounded by beauty. It wasn’t expensive beauty, but K mart beauty for years, until they built a Wal-Mart.
The furniture was more costly, and bought at a couple of different furniture stores. It’s all lasted well, even after twenty years. I love nice curtains, and knick knacks and pictures and pillows and clean rugs. I also like nice shower curtains and bedspreads, and my life sometimes almost felt complete.
I would take care of my kids and clean, non stop, until bedtime, when I couldn’t unwind. Everyone who visited, commented on how beautiful everything looked, and it made me feel happy and proud. My life has changed a lot, and I don’t entertain at all, really. There are no more people admiring my home. It doesn’t matter anymore, because I admire it. I love it. it’s homey and warm and pretty and clean, although nowhere near as clean as it used to be. Now, I do a little each day, not hours in a row. And I enjoy it more, it’s more earthy and not as cluttered as it once was.
Now, I’ll share a secret with you, I would never leave my home if I didn’t have to. I have no desire to move off of our property. I have a beautiful front porch, with gray spindles and a beautiful waterfall ten feet away and a swing to sit on and birdhouses and birdbaths. I have a beautiful set of barrels with roses in them. I have windchimes hanging from my tree ten feet away from where I sit. I have trees and plants and flowers and green grass, and it is the best spot in the house.
Well, almost. My room is my favorite. I have peaceful and serene pictures and crystals and stones and angels and Indians and a Buddha and a bamboo plant. I have two down featherbeds under me, and one down comforter over me, and two king sized down pillows. I feel like I could be in Heaven, or on a cloud at the very least. It’s just the feeling I was looking for when I asked for these luxuries, for birthdays and Christmas. My room is peaceful, and that’s how I want it to be. I do a lot of thinking in that room, and I want to be surrounded by the best positive energy I can, to help me think on the right track. I lot of decisions ride on my state of mind. I‘ve accomplished my mission in that room. Now, if I could just make up my mind!
I could live in those two spots, until the day I die, without ever missing a thing past my driveway. Of course, I realize psychologists and psychiatrists and therapists and other people, think differently. I guess I’m an agoraphobic. I honestly don’t like to leave my house. I’m not afraid, I am very friendly to the waitresses, the check out girl, the pharmacist, and the bankers, they all know me and talk to me. Once I am in my car, roll the window down some, have my flavored water in its’ holder, the sun shining, and maybe a good CD, I start out the driveway, and I feel great. I enjoy the ride, and I may even enjoy the shopping visit or banking or going to the post office. But to anticipate going, is a whole other thing. Knowing I have to go grocery shopping the next day, can put me in a bad mood the night before. I don’t know why this occurs, but it does.
I feel the best when I am in my own home. But again, when I’m in Wal-Mart, I’m enjoying buying things, and being out and seeing people, sometimes! When I go to the post office, I talk to the postmaster and the girls that are there. The bankers know me and my dogs, and are always kind, and give the dogs treats. I talk to the gas station attendants, and the people at the hardware store. There is no reason for me not to want to leave my home. But I don’t!
That doesn’t mean I won’t, or I don’t, it just means that if nobody would bother me about it, and I had my choice, I’d stay right here, and walk around the two acres of property, filled to the brim with all kinds of creatures and birds and flowers. These little beings just do what comes naturally. I can come across rabbits and deer and bear if I’m unlucky, and squirrels and birds. If I walk through the woods, I’m in their home. There is honeysuckle with it’s sweet fragrance, and a nice dock on a lake we own with the other members of the association. It’s twelve acres, and it’s heavenly. I have to use it more this summer. It’s a terrible waste not to. With all of this peace surrounding me, both inside and out, I don’t understand why anybody would want to leave, and others don’t know why I would want to stay. My own two older kids gravitate to the cities to go out. They have used the woods and the dock and lake for get togethers, but mostly, they want to go where the same action is that I want desperately to stay away from. I will continue leaving my castle as needed, but I will be overjoyed to return to my home.
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