Susan Thom

Today Was A Strange Day In A Strange Few Months


Posted: Thursday, July 26, 2007

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Today was my reflexology day. I love Thursdays the most because of this wonderful experience. I have been going for a little over a year now, and I am just starting to calm down. The massage is wonderful, and healing, and beneficial to my well-being. The last massage, I started feeling some tingling during the session, and I was so happy that maybe I was doing something better, and different in my life to allow this to happen.

As I was leaving my driveway, in my Durango SUV, I was worrying about the results I should get tomorrow on my son's EEG. He past out last week. I think he had a panic attack. I was also upset that while taking a bath, I noticed my ankle bracelet was gone. I've had my purse stolen, lost a diamond earring, and now my gold ankle bracelet that I've had on for several years.

As I turned onto the road, there in front of me, right in the middle of the road, was a red cardinal. Cardinals are my believed signal from my mother's spirit, to let me know things will be okay. In the eighteen years since she has past, my red cardinals have appeared in my most desperate times of need. There have been enough times in enough weird places, during times of great turmoil, that I have come to believe my theory to be true. A few feet down, one flew across my windshield. On the way back, I didn't see a single one. Cardinals were my mother's favorite birds, and she had several ceramic cardinals in her apartment. My partner bought me a birdhouse for Valentine's Day and promised there would be red cardinals on Valentine's Day, and there were, and we had never seen any there before.

I made it to my massage, had a great talk and felt much more heat and tingling, and hope to continue working towards wholeness. I'm so tired of being tired. I want my positive energy to work for me, and not have negative energy working against me, causing fear and anger and resentments. I've already lived that for fifty one years. I know how that feels, and it doesn't feel good. I allowed my negativity to interfere with my strong positivity, and the result was not good.

I actually crashed, twice. I let what I couldn't figure out, beat me at life, and take over my space. It sent me to my bed, and forced me to live or let go. I chose to live. I don't know if I'll go back to that place anymore. I hope not, it was the dark side of the soul. And it has come back to revisit me, only in a different form. This time, I have had some therapeutic help, and I'm able to deal with the ups and downs of life better.

I've been told the darkness is never far from the light, as the light is never far from the darkness. That helps, because right now, it's pitch black. If I give in, I go right back to that bed. Although I have beautiful down featherbeds, a down comforter, and down pillows on my bed, I want that to be where I go at the end of the day to sleep, not to live. So I have to keep pushing myself, and learning how to accept the information that is coming at me full force.

I know there has to be a reason, too many things are happening. The whole universe is getting my attention, and giving me attention. I need to feed on the positive energy I get from doing things I like to do. I take a walk around the property, and admire the flowers and plants, and I sit on our front porch swing with my partner. I go down to the lake behind our home, and we take a boat ride with our maltipoo Benji. I talk with my kids. Nature is so beneficial to my health. Oh, I also have Crohn's, which I am trying to keep in remission. It's about 75% there. I also do the things I don't like to do, clean the kitchen, the bathrooms, and do the laundry. That balances my life out, and that's the key, so they say.

I loved my diamond earrings, especially since my soulmate bought them for me, and I loved my ankle bracelet he gave me, too, and it was a pain to replace all the paperwork that was in my purse, and I was out of my home for three days and nights, and my son had a brain scan, and my other son moved out. I also have my health, and my intelligence, and my kids, and soulmate, and dogs, and writing, and my home. Balance. The good with the bad. The ying and the yang. The ups and the downs. Life. It's a seesaw, and I never liked them when I was young, either, with all the smart alecs that used to let you drop! I got back up then, and I'll get back up now. My cardinals say so.

Susan Thom is the mother of three children, two sons, 20 and 23, and a daughter 25. Her older son is in the air force in Germany right now, and her daughter is in the army in Tacoma, Washington.

Writing calms her, and gives her a place to go by herself! Clears the head and gets it out. She lives in a rural area, with a lake and mountains, and her partner, and has loved writing since she was a child.

She has been on a journey of self discovery for twenty years, and has learned many things about the human mind, and how to maintain some semblance of calm and peace within.

If someone reads one of her stories, and relates to her feelings, and gets a suggestion on how she dealt with them in a positive way, that would be the ultimate gift of her writing.

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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)
» left by David Tanguay
 4 years 172 days ago.
Today was my reflexology day. Susan I could look up this term on the internet, but could you explain briefly what this is? I've never heard of this before.
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