How Not To Deal With A Person Suffering From Depression
Posted: Thursday, September 20, 2007
by Susan Thom
Don’t make light of the fact that this person is hurting to the very core of their existence, where common sense and know how don’t mean anything at the time. A usually upbeat, active person will never act like that while depressed, it just isn’t possible. The components aren’t there. The desire to be productive is a mute point, because the draining feeling of doubt and insecurity has taken over.
They know they’re depressed. They know they’re trying to get out of it. They don’t need to be reminded of things they already are ashamed of, and feel guilt over. This is not laziness. That’s a whole other topic. This is the inability to synchronize your feelings to your movements.
You feel like you want to go for a walk, but you have no energy, it’s called lethargy, and it’s a symptom of depression. You feel like you want to go sit outside, but you feel you probably should just go lie down.
Depression is highly under rated. It is a real feeling, it is really damaging, and it really needs understanding on the part of those who chose to be with people who suffer from depression, as well as their families, who didn’t choose. I believe there are different degrees of depression, because I believe I’ve been to every one. None of them are fun to go through. Depression robs one of the right to live comfortably. It is not like watching a sad movie, having a good cry, and going to bed to wake up bright eyed and bushy tailed.
Depression comes in waves, and anything negative or hurtful can set it off. To tell the one who is depressed the obvious, is only making them feel worse. "Oh, you should get out more." "Oh, you should have your hair done." "Oh, you should take a hot bath." When someone is contemplating about their life, and what’s happened in it, a hot bath will be one of those last things they’ll want to hear. They know where the tub is! And then there's, "Why don’t you have some tea with lemon?"
One doesn’t care if they ever move off that chair again, and you’re offering them tea with lemon. Nice gesture, don’t get me wrong, under other circumstances, but there’s something bigger happening here. Someone is hurt beyond their potential to heal from it.
They can’t reach that part of them that makes everything all right.
They know it’s there, they’ve uncovered it before, and lived for quite a while exercising that part, but right now, it doesn’t want to function. Again, I think there’s different levels, because I’ve never wanted to take my own life, but I’ve stayed secluded in my room for months out of fear to leave. I know what it feels like to be afraid of life. Afraid for my kids’ lives.
I have gotten a lot of self help from a lot of different areas over the last thirteen years, and I now can go through depression, and pretty quickly come out the other side. I helped myself to many self help books, and learned a lot about the mind, and feelings and emotions, and how they all work. I went to twelve step meetings, and learned about human nature, and ways of avoiding alcohol in my life. I learned sayings that help me through this process of life, with all it’s twists and turns. I go to a Reflexologist once a week, and she works wonders for my moral and my body.
She has many words of wisdom, and I drink them all up. So, I’d say I’m at my best for today, and I hope to be even better tomorrow.
Sometimes, depression just can’t be helped when someone suffers from it. Now, I just let it pass. If I don’t feel like doing anything, I don’t, and I don’t feel guilty, because for the past twenty years, I’ve been doing the same thing, being a homemaker. After twenty years, the kitchen can go for a day, the vacuuming can be done tomorrow, I need to heal whatever it is that is causing me depression, and that is going to be my first priority.
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Top-level comments on this article: (7 total)Susan, we speak very wisely here in your article. I believe depression used to come under a different name simply "THE BLUES" do you remember Dean Martin his song "The Story of Love"? some of the lyrics are "you always have to have the blues a little" Oh I tried to leave a response on your comment you left on my article about Dr. Spoke but it wouldn't take for some reason.Please log in to respond to this comment.
hi david, adversity=wise? (i'll write a story about that.) it appears so. and i'm right smack dab in the middle. but, this too shall pass. at least some wisdom is seeping in. i'm glad you read my article, thank you, best regards, sue thomPlease log in to respond to this comment.
p.s. david, i don't know that song by dean martin, but he was another of my father's favorites. you reminded me again of those days of my dad listening to the records, thank you.Please log in to respond to this comment.
God this article was a waste of time! Dont do this. don't do that! Well what the hell can we do???????Please log in to respond to this comment.hi erin, if you didn't want to read about what not to do, why did you pick an article that starts out with, "How NOT To Deal With A Person..." i am suffering from depression right now, and i wanted people who surround others like myself to understand better what NOT to do or say to make the person who is depressed feel worse. i feel bad enough. i hope someone got some help from this article. best regards, sue thomPlease log in to respond to this comment.
Yes Susan, this article was very helpful. You have described depression in a manner that only a person who has this disease can...a very debilitating disease. Too many people think it's all a matter of just cheering up. One wouldn't tell a person with high blood pressure or cancer to just snap out of it. Thank you for sharing your insight.Please log in to respond to this comment.hi sue,yo are so right, and i've often thought the same thing-someone with a disease or a broken bone or coming out of surgery is noticeably hurt, but one with depression must deal mostly on their own.thank you for reading and commenting,my best regards,suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
I wouldn't be so ignorant as to say that I 'understand what you're going through', that's impossible for me - an outsider - to ask for..but I will thankyou for the insight.It takes a lot to spill the deepest, most painful areas of yourself out onto a page, let alone in front of potentially hundreds of God-knows-whos.So thankyou, very much, I think this is very brave of you - and very helpful to any individual actually seeking to learn a little more than just what's at the surface of this debilitating disease, from the eyes of one of the only ones who really knows what it is like.(Erin, by the way, in my opinion 'what you can do' is NOT post innappropriate nonsensical gibberish like that; you writing that rubbish was a waste of time, not this story being posted.)Thankyou very much, this helped me deal with my depressed relatives.Please log in to respond to this comment.hi jeff,well, you just made my day!i know depression very well, and i thankfully, know more how to handle it now. it is not an easy road, with or without medication, but medication does help a lot.your comment was heartfelt, or, at least, it touched my heart.and thank's for stickin' up for me :)the best thing you can do for your relatives is "understand" that they are going through changes that they have not brought on themselves, and sometimes, some very dark thoughts go through their minds, uninvited. the more love and comfort one can give to someone who is depressed, the better they will feel.thank you so much for reading and for your comment,my best regards,suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
Your article has given me alot to think about. As much as I would like to find out what does help my brother with his depression, finding out what doesn't was just as helpful. Thank you. You're right by saying that he knows conciously what he SHOULD be doing, but he's not. So it's good to know that I should not remind him....which I had been doing (all trying to help). Thanks againPlease log in to respond to this comment.hi anon,i hope this article was helpful.thank you for reading and commenting,my best regards,suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
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