Susan Thom

Why Are We So Resistant To Change



Posted: Saturday, October 06, 2007

by Susan Thom

The pain that comes with lifes changes is usually caused by our inability to let go. We get so used to someone or something being a certain way in our lives that we don't want it to change. It's going to change. You can either go with it, or suffer without it. It could be simple things to others, such as a favorite arm chair that is worn and ripped and you really need to throw it out, the springs are showing! Or a favorite pair of pajamas where the elastic stretched itself out.

You just can't seem to let them go. They mean comfort and attachment and coziness to you. But they must go, and change will happen once they are gone. You get a new leather chair, and you think you've died and gone to Heaven. You buy a nice new pair of pajamas, and they are comfortable and soft. You've made the adjustment of change.

You hear about a new job and it sounds interesting, but you've been at your old job for twenty years, and don't want to make the change. You finally decide to do so, and find that this new job is much more interesting than your old job, and the pay is better. You've made the adjustment to change.

You work all day, come home, have dinner, watch TV, and go to bed. The college by you has wonderful classes you'd love to take, but you'd be changing your habits, and you're not sure if you'd be comfortable doing so. Finally, your neighbor invites you to join a class with her, and you go, getting home at nine, but enjoying every moment of it. You end up taking other classes when that one is done. You have made the adjustment to change. You wonder why you didn't do it sooner?

Because change causes our comfort level to fluctuate and tell us to stay put. There is nothing more constant than change, and yet, so many of us fight it, worry about it, obsess over it. The more new experiences we have, the easier change seems to get. The more times we prove to ourselves that we can do it, and survive, the more likely we are to try new things.

There are those who have been buying the same make and model car for thirty years. They like it, they are loyal to it, and they will not change. Then, along comes their brother with a different kind of car, and takes them for a ride. This car seems to ride smoother, the acoustics are better, the gas mileage is better, and the seats are more comfortable. They go out the next day and buy their first new, different make and model car. They love it. They've made the adjustment to change.

These have all been pretty positive examples, but there are painful, negative changes we must accept as well. People pass away, and we grieve and think we'll never be the same, but time goes by, and we meet someone, marry, and find a companion that we truly love. Kids leave home and go out on their own. The change is drastic and painful, but it must be made in an effort to support what they are doing, trying to survive on their own in this life.

Couples get married, have kids, and then realize they can't be together. They divorce and move on with their lives. They adjust to change. They find other mates they are more compatible with, and their lives are better, and yet they stayed in a marriage for too long because they were afraid of change. At least one out of two couples go through this, if the statistics are correct.

I think we all need to focus on our ability to change in whatever life situation we become involved in. To resist something that is happening anyway, is a waste of happiness and contentment. To learn how to accept and embrace the changes as part of our lives, is helping us stay balanced and at peace.

Susan Thom is the mother of three children, two sons, 20 and 23, and a daughter 25. Her older son is in the air force in Germany right now, and her daughter is in the army in Tacoma, Washington.

Writing calms her, and gives her a place to go by herself! Clears the head and gets it out. She lives in a rural area, with a lake and mountains, and her partner, and has loved writing since she was a child.

She has been on a journey of self discovery for twenty years, and has learned many things about the human mind, and how to maintain some semblance of calm and peace within.

If someone reads one of her stories, and relates to her feelings, and gets a suggestion on how she dealt with them in a positive way, that would be the ultimate gift of her writing.

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