The Depression That Comes In The Night
Posted: Tuesday, January 22, 2008
by Susan Thom
During the day, there are so many things that we do that keep us busy. We're running around trying to make sure everything is taken care of on our to do list. Our minds are constantly going over what we need to accomplish in our day. We get out of bed, take a shower, get dressed, have breakfast, and we're off to our day. Some of us work inside the home, some out. Either way, we have things that need to be done.
There are only so many times you can fluff your pillow. So, you get up, and go on your computer. You try to write, but the words won't come. You try to watch TV, but you are not focused. Everyone else is asleep. You feel like hitting the pots and pans together, but you don't. Suddenly, you realize that you are melting, and slipping into depression. Your forehead feels clammy, your stomach feels sick, your mind feels fuzzy, your body is warm. You think about your childhood, and how you once felt safe, simply knowing your parents were in the other room. If you could just feel like that again. Shadows always look darker at night. Problems always seem harder to handle. Fear always has more of a grip on our hearts and minds during the dark hours of the night.
The tick tock of the hallway clock reminds you that you are still in your home, it is only your mind that is running from one thought to another. I suppose a couple of drinks would soothe some of the savage beasts, but I gave that up fifteen years ago, it's no longer an option. The hours are ticking by, and morning is just around the corner. Depression still lingers, and it feels as if you are falling into yourself. As you try to write something coherent, you know the sun will soon be shining. You also know you have to pull yourself out of this depressive mood before it intertwines with your positive feelings. Depression is a hollow feeling, it takes away your senses and your emotional focus, and fills yourself with fear, like rain in a bucket.
You have learned a few hints on how to alleviate these feelings over the years. You send something cute to your kids, and friends on e mail, maybe you calm down enough to write a story, you go up and take a nice hot bath while the world is still in their slumber. There you try and get rid of the negative, and think of the positive. You pray. You allow the water to wash away the negativity, the fear. You towel off with a new vitality.
You clean the kitchen and throw in a load of laundry so you feel as if you're doing something. By now, the light is coming through and the dogs are ready to start their day, and go out. As you let them in, you decide it's time to get some rest. It's not as scary sleeping during the day. You fall off, and awaken with a new spin on things. You are fine, and you will be fine, and life is for the living. Your attitude has it's spring back to it's step. There are still problems lurking behind the darkness, but they will be okay once they come to light. It's like opening the curtains of the sliding door. They are heavy, and shield the light, but when opened, the brightness is beautiful. Within that beauty, comes positivity.
Things start looking and sounding better. The purpose you always believed was yours, is now kicking in once again. You start to feel your strength take over. You go shopping and to the bank and the pharmacy and take the dogs to the vet and stop at the cleaners and the food store, and you are enjoying the day as you go. The problems you are worrying about seem less of a burden. They actually start feeling like they can be worked through. You are seeing the flowers in the middle of the cactus, and listening to the birds singing their tunes. You smile at everyone you pass. You feel good, tired, but good.
The usual routine of dinner and cleanup and bath and kids and then, miraculously, all are tucked cozily into their beds. It is dark, and sleep will not come. It's getting scary. If you just stay up, you'll be alright. Will you? The depression creeps in while you're typing. The forehead gets clammy, the stomach hurts, the head gets fuzzy, and you know your midnight guest has arrived. You try and surround yourself with good energy, and you do what you do best, you write. It doesn't have to be an article, it can be an e mail, or searching for pictures to include in e mail notes.
As long as it keeps you busy. Depression doesn't like busy, it's too positive. Will you let it penetrate your thoughts? Did you not learn from every other night that depression can only sneak up on you if you let it? If you try and keep your frame of mind in a positive place, with good thoughts, you'll go a long way in keeping the depression at bay. You're in the middle of a story, and you realize, you are in a good mood, no clammy forehead, no shaking, no fear. Positivity can do so much for our physical and mental selves. The same, of course, can be said for negativity. Positivity brings with it strength and focus and happiness and excitement and joy to one's life. Negativity robs every bit of that. Depression robs every bit of that. So, how do we keep the evils at bay, and let the sun shine in?
We surround ourselves with things we like to look at, at our computer desk at home, at work, in the kitchen, family room, and most important, in the bedroom. If we are eventually going to sleep, our room should be filled with our favorite things, and we are cozy and comfortable, we will get the pampering we need to keep our strength up. A candle going at your computer desk, is so simple, but can make you feel so good. Incense with the smells you like, essential oils, crystals and healing stones, and pretty pictures can help to keep the depression in the dark where it belongs. And if you can hold on to that last little comment the brain makes, "Depression is here," and fight it with your sense of positivity, and your calmness in the night, you may just have made it through the night, and written a story at that.
This Article has been viewed 6,754 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
More commentsThank you so much for saying the things I didn't know how to say.Please log in to respond to this comment.you are so welcome,my best,suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
Lovely article. Thought I was the only one who felt like this!just 5 more hours til the sun comes up!Please log in to respond to this comment.hi anon,i'm sorry for the delay in commenting.thank you for the compliment. a couple of nights ago, it was 4:45 a.m. before i fell asleep! you're not the only one:)thank you for reading and commenting,my best regards,suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
Night has always been a depressing time for me, even moreso when I'm going through a hard time. I was googling and came across this article first. I just got up and turned on some lamps and lit a candle. I will now read a bit, before heading out to see my family. Thank you.Please log in to respond to this comment.hi anon,so sorry for the late response.night has always had a certain negative comotation for me as well. i even start to get nervous sometimes the later it gets, however, i have now been working on this for a long time, and between my featherbeds and feather pillows, and little maltipoo doggie and all the things i love, it's been easier.i hope it gets easier for you as well,thank you for reading and commenting,my best regards,suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
I feel the same way. During the day, as long as I get myself out of the house and into the sun, I find strength to find the compressing feeling one feels in their chest from depression. However once the sun goes down...and darkness creeps in, i find my mood following the sun and depression with darkness. Even breathing becomes hard as everyone breathe needs to be a deep one with a sigh at the end. I long for the time in my life where every day isn't a battle with my own mind....Please log in to respond to this comment.hi twenty two,there was a problem receiving notifications of my comments until today.sorry for the delay.we need to allow ourselves to embrace the night, and the closure to the day, and let the night air, moon, darkness, calm us, and not make us nervous. it's beginning to work, after 53 years!but at least it's proof these dark feelings we have at night, can make way for happier, lighter times.thanks for reading and commenting,my best,suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
thats a beautiful way to express somethin terrible that i have felt for so long... thanks a lot...Please log in to respond to this comment.hi lalit,i'm glad you were able to read this article. there is hope and there is help.thank you for reading and commenting,my best,suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
i always feel depressed the second the sun goes down.. night has always been so depressing i cant wait to go to sleep to burry this feeling.. i was feeling down and googled " night depression " and i read ur article.. its so calming i feel happy now... u seriously said the things i wanted to say long ago but couldnt express them thank you so muchPlease log in to respond to this comment.hi m.s.,thank you for reading and commenting.i think more people suffer from this than we know.i'm glad i was able to help.my best regards,suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
Tonight was the first time I have felt what I believe to be depression in several years, and at first I didn't think it was brought on by anything in particular, but upon reading this, not only did I realise that it is because I am afraid of losing my girlfriend of only a year, but it made me feel a billion times better. Thank you, Susan Thom!Please log in to respond to this comment.your welcome.hold on to faith,my best to you,suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
It's so nice to know someone has been there. Thank you for this.Please log in to respond to this comment.you are welcome.
i have been there, and revisited several times!
i wish you the best.
i have added doing chores i don't feel like doing during the day, to the hours i cannot sleep during the night, such as folding laundry, cleaning, etc. it takes my mind off things and makes me feel good when i do fall asleep and wake up and see the difference.
life is tough.
we need to be tougher.
take care of yourself,
my best regards,
suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
Wow, Sue. You wrote this over 3 years ago and it could not be more applicable than it is today.Please log in to respond to this comment.hi bruce,
i know, i was thinking the same thing.
i hope all is well,
my best,
suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
Susan,
Thank you for writing this wonderful, truthful article. Since suffering from depression, I find myself constantly trying not to let the demon control me, by doing laundry, walking the dog, reading, anything that will make the thoughts of loneliness and despair go away. But you are right, they come back at night, always do. I am always hoping and praying that this will someday stop.Please log in to respond to this comment.hi taylor,
thank you for reading and commenting.
i have come a long way, but still have a ways to go in calming myself, and knowing that i can just be me, no matter what time of the day it is, and also, i am learning not to worry as much.
i wish you much luck,
my best regards,
suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
More comments
We want your comments! If you can read this, you don't have javascript enabled, so you can't use this comment system. Please enable javascript.