Susan Thom

God, You Have Always Been The One For Me


Posted: Tuesday, March 18, 2008

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When I was young, pre teen, my dad and I used to butt heads a lot. We were exactly alike which meant we both wanted to be right, and both wanted the last word. Wars were begun over this silliness. I always lost, although I thought in my head I had won. These arguments would always escalate, and I'd end up running up the stairs to my room, in tears. There, I would try to work out what was happening. My hero, my dad, my love, had just overpowered me, belittled me, and made me feel worthless. I was alone in the world, or so I thought, and I'd cry my eyes out, and then, I would feel a peace come over me, and the tears would stop, and I would be reminded that I am never alone, my God is with me. He has always been the one for me.

When my mom was dying, I yelled at God 23 hours out of the day. I was so angry with him for taking my mother at such a young age, 59, with 4 kids, that I let my feelings known. I never stopped believing, I just was in a heated argument with my Father. When she passed away, I felt emotions I never even knew existed. First, it felt like my umbilical chord had been severed, at 32. I didn't feel grounded. I was light on my feet. Then, I missed her love and her touch and her kisses and hugs, and her sense of humor. And our 3 phone calls a day. She was my confidant as well as my mother, and it was a difficult time. I felt I was alone in my sorrow, but I was never alone. I could feel the arms of a compassionate, loving Being pushing me along and allowing me to feel my emotions, and then heal. Thank you God for being there for me, you have always been the one for me.

When my son was eight, he fell off the jungle gym and broke his arm. We called the ambulance because he also fell on his neck. I followed to the hospital, and was matter of factly told that my son needed to stay overnight and be operated on so they could set his bone. I was in shock. I have always been afraid of anesthesia, and knew a little girl who had battled cancer, but during an operation, had complications from the anesthesia and was never the same again. I was not in control of the situation, so I watched as they led him into the operating room, huge doors swinging closed. I felt like I was outside my body, running as fast as I could but not moving. I went to the chapel and prayed until they came and got me and told me he was fine. The chapel, where I found peace and comfort and faith and hope. God, He has always been the One For Me.

When it feels like the world and the people in it are picking on me, I feel confused and scared and unfullfilled. Mostly, I feel alone. Maybe too late to call anyone, and my heart is racing with negative energy that needs to be told to someone. Thoughts recycle in my mind and I can't escape the ill feeling of despair. I talk to God and ask for his wisdom and advice, and I wait until I can begin to think more clearly. When it happens, I give thanks. God, you have always been the one for me.

Next time you feel alone, sheltered, away from the mainstream, try to remember that your father is with you, and your angels and spirit guides (only my opinion and that of 8 million near death experiencers and thousands of reputable mediums.) There are religions that believe in angels, and yet don't believe they exist! What a shame. Mine come with me wherever I go. I need to feel loved and comforted and understood and accepted and cherished, and God, you have always been the one for me.



Susan Thom is the mother of three children, two sons, 20 and 23, and a daughter 25. Her older son is in the air force in Germany right now, and her daughter is in the army in Tacoma, Washington.

Writing calms her, and gives her a place to go by herself! Clears the head and gets it out. She lives in a rural area, with a lake and mountains, and her partner, and has loved writing since she was a child.

She has been on a journey of self discovery for twenty years, and has learned many things about the human mind, and how to maintain some semblance of calm and peace within.

If someone reads one of her stories, and relates to her feelings, and gets a suggestion on how she dealt with them in a positive way, that would be the ultimate gift of her writing.

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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)
» left by Dave Tanguay
 3 years 303 days ago.
Good one Susan, Johnny Cash sings a song that goes like this"When the chips are all down and your backs at the wall, God's the best friend that you ever had"
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» left by 3 years 303 days ago.
hi david, the nice thing about artists is that even when they pass, we have their music to listen to, and comfort us. "American IV: The Man Comes Around"is the name of the cd of johnny's i want you to get. i think you would enjoy it. hurt is such a good song, in my opinion. thank you for reading and responding, your comments are always welcome, my best, sue
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