Susan Thom

I Will Not Go Quietly Into The Night


Posted: Thursday, March 20, 2008

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I have been Blessed with a stubbornness and determination that, of course, sometimes has wounded me, but more often, has made things happen in my life. I remember the burning edge of desire even as a kid, I Will make it through hopscotch, I Will kick the ball past that catcher, I Will learn to ride my bike, I Will go down the steep hill on my sled. I Will pass my exams, I will retain the information needed, I Will stick up for myself and be counted.

When I took the civil service test for the post office, I knew I would pass. When I was faced with 20-40 filled bags of mail, I knew I could pick them up and sling them onto the sorting table, and I did, for seven years. I was the only girl, and I learned very quickly how to make friends with my male co workers. I delivered mail in the beautiful weather, in the rain, and in the snow, and no matter how badly I wanted to ditch my mail truck and all the mail in it, I didn't. My stubbornness and determination pushed me to do what I had to do.

When I was told at 26 that I would be crippled and blind by the time I was 28, I kept going to one doctor after another until I found the right retina specialist, and within a few months, I was fine, and have been since, some 25 years later. I was determined I wasn't going to listen to what all the other doctors said, and it paid off. I will not go quietly into the night. I will exhaust all options, and then a few more, before I give up on any situation.

My mother pointed out quite often that I was a stubborn child, but I'd rather think of it as tenacity and strive to get a desired result. I remember having to climb the steepest hill in our town, everyday, to and from school. To school wasn't bad, it was all downhill or flat, but after school, that hill was a monster. However, I put one foot I front of the other, and made it every day. My teeth were clenched, my sore muscles in my legs throbbing, but I knew if I just kept at it, I'd be to the top.

I don't have a clue as to why determination and stubbornness and tenacity have always been my driving force, but I'm glad they have been. I will not go quietly into the night. I abhor unfair practices, lies, manipulations, and the fact that there isn't one universal truth, so we'd all be on the same page. It seems everyone has their own interpretation of things, they just don't realize that they could be wrong! If I think my little maltipoo would look cute shaved, think again. Wrong move, luckily it grew back nicely.

Kids these days have their piercings and tattoos, and think these objects are the greatest things in the world, they set them apart, give them an identity. Fast forward until they are 30, married, 2 kids, and up for a great paying job, until they go for the interview and all their tattoos and piercings are simply saying, don't hire me. There is no talking them out of it, and they are of age, so, they, too, will not go quietly into the night.

I have an insatiable desire to do all I can to keep balance in my life, and take care of all the things I am "in charge" of, such as cleaning the house, shopping for food, running errands, spending time with my partner and kids, doing that dastardly laundry, and writing for my own peace of mind. I was determined to write articles, and I have written 475. There is a driving force that comes with determination, and it has served me well. It also has caused me a great deal of pain, but I have been on a journey to alleviate those times, and to differentiate the things that really matter from the things that don't. Anger need not be a prerequisite to determination.

I have peeled away many layers of anger, and now simply use my determination to get things done that need to be taken care of on a daily basis. There are still a few layers left, but I am slowly peeling them away, too. I have allowed my determination to be hopeful and my anger to be less frequent. When things need to be taken care of, I take care of them, as difficult as they may be. I am a doer, and I will not go quietly into the night.



Susan Thom is the mother of three children, two sons, 20 and 23, and a daughter 25. Her older son is in the air force in Germany right now, and her daughter is in the army in Tacoma, Washington.

Writing calms her, and gives her a place to go by herself! Clears the head and gets it out. She lives in a rural area, with a lake and mountains, and her partner, and has loved writing since she was a child.

She has been on a journey of self discovery for twenty years, and has learned many things about the human mind, and how to maintain some semblance of calm and peace within.

If someone reads one of her stories, and relates to her feelings, and gets a suggestion on how she dealt with them in a positive way, that would be the ultimate gift of her writing.

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Top-level comments on this article: (3 total)
» left by Dave Tanguay
 3 years 326 days ago.
You tell them Susan! "good article"
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» left by 3 years 325 days ago.
hi david, you're the best, i had a virus in my computer, so i wasn't able to access comments. it's fixed now, though. i hope all is well, my very best, susan
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» left by Teresa Ortiz
 3 years 325 days ago.
Hi Sue, I love it. I too was told by my mom that I was stubborn. But at that same time, she added "and that's why I don't have to worry about you" And though it has gotten me into trouble at times, it has also given me the courage to say okay God - I will go wherever you lead me..... I also am reminding of the poem having this same title as your article. Have a fabulous weekend. Much love, Teresa
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» left by Anonymous 3 years 325 days ago.
hi teresa, thank you for reading and commenting. life is hard, being stubborn helps get things done. being stubborn, protects oneself. thanks for stopping by, my best, sue
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