Susan Thom

Can You Comfort Yourself When You're Alone


Posted: Thursday, March 27, 2008

by



From the moment we are placed in our mother's arms, there are years before we are allowed to be alone, besides sleeping. Sometimes, even then, mothers feel more comfortable with a playpen or bassinet where they can keep an eye on their precious gift. We struggle through the two's until about five years old, getting our children, who have never been alone, to sleep in a dark room, maybe a little nightlight, and actually be alone. I somehow knew that I needed to teach my kids some independence as well as letting them learn how to comfort themselves until I got to them. I used monitors, and always made sure they felt comfortable in their own cribs and beds.

You see, we can't always be with other people. We can't always feel safe. What we do need to do is teach ourselves how to deal with our alone time and the thoughts that go on in our heads. How do those thoughts make us feel? Anxious, scared, panicky, nervous, jittery, lonely, sad, depressed? If we don't figure out how to be alone with ourselves, we are in for a scary trip to the end of our journey.

So, what can we do to quiet our restlessness, and calm ourselves before we let our minds affect our body, and we feel ill? If it is at night, we can lie in bed and watch something good on TV, or a favorite movie, this is in lieu of calling friends or family, because it is too late. There's another good reason why we need to know how to be alone with ourselves in a constructive manner. Friends, family and people to talk to, aren't always available when we need them to be.

We could e mail, or write an article, or read some articles, make some comments, look up some interesting places on the internet-go to a museum! We can meditate and pray, and just talk to God, since we know He is always listening. We can use the time on our hands by stopping by to talk to Mary, and Jesus, and The Holy Spirit, and all the family and friends that have gone on before us. I believe they can and do hear us. We can read a book. I started a Course In Miracles, after not being able to made heads or tales out of it years ago, the first time I tried, but I think I've made enough changes to be able to understand it now. That would be a great ego booster and I'd be very proud to have come a long way. Laundry is an option, but I don't recommend it, only because it is boring and a pain in the neck. However, when alone, the more you can do to keep busy, the better. And if you do your laundry at night, you don't have to waste any time during the day.

HGTV is a great escape if you have cable. You can get lost in one show after the other. A nap is always a good balance to a hard day. A nice bath with aromatherapy lotions and soaps, is wonderful and well worth the effort of getting in that tub! Stripping your bed is another chore you can get done. All these things help get past the time we must spend alone when we want to be with a crowd of people, but can't.

There is probably no worse feeling than being alone, no one to talk to, and having a heavy heart. It's hard trying to figure out your life, what went wrong, what went right, why things happened, when are things going to happen? Are you making the right decisions? Do you know how to make the right decisions? Can you start another segment of life in a better, wiser, more understanding and calmer way? Is your life what you want it to be? These questions all have to be answered before you can actively begin to change your energy to that of positivity and enlightenment. If you are impatient, there are books to help you calm down, as there are for depression and anger and lethargy.

If you are upset, and you are alone, and you are doing something constructive with your time, you have made a difference. You have changed the normal course of your personality from that of anticipation and nerves and sadness, anger and pain, and let that go for a half hour show. Or sewing the buttons back on your favorite pants, or folding three loads of laundry that have been sitting on your chair for a week. Once we can be alone with ourselves, in our darkest hour, we are moving forward into a dimension that will bring us peace and tranquility and a calming affect, knowing we can survive.



Susan Thom is the mother of three children, two sons, 20 and 23, and a daughter 25. Her older son is in the air force in Germany right now, and her daughter is in the army in Tacoma, Washington.

Writing calms her, and gives her a place to go by herself! Clears the head and gets it out. She lives in a rural area, with a lake and mountains, and her partner, and has loved writing since she was a child.

She has been on a journey of self discovery for twenty years, and has learned many things about the human mind, and how to maintain some semblance of calm and peace within.

If someone reads one of her stories, and relates to her feelings, and gets a suggestion on how she dealt with them in a positive way, that would be the ultimate gift of her writing.

This Article has been viewed 1,219 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)
» left by Dave Tanguay
 3 years 316 days ago.
You give a lot of good suggestions here Susan for spending time alone. when I'm alone I never really feel alone, like you say God is with us all the way.
Please log in to respond to this comment.
» left by 3 years 316 days ago.
hi david, thank you for reading and commenting. i have a lot of suggestions because i've had my share of spending time alone. it used to make me nervous, now, i relax and enjoy, my best to you, sue
Please log in to respond to this comment.
» left by Linda DeWitt
 1 year 70 days ago.
67 fans. Follow Linda DeWitt on twitter!
I so identify with you. I love the way you conveyed the process' we go through in learning how to be alone and to enjoy it. For me today it is a real treasure, what a change that is.
Please log in to respond to this comment.
» left by susan thom from nj 1 year 69 days ago.
hi linda,

thank you for reading and commenting.

being alone can be overwhelming, or we can use our time wisely.

it's nice to know we have a choice.

happy holidays,

my best to you,

sue
Please log in to respond to this comment.
We want your comments! If you can read this, you don't have javascript enabled, so you can't use this comment system. Please enable javascript.