What Is Anonymity In A Twelve Step Program And Why Is It Important
Posted: Sunday, June 29, 2008
by Susan Thom
When a person's soul has lost it's vibrancy, it's light, and it's safety, and the mundane chores of our normal routine get more depressing, alcohol or drugs, food, sex, gambling, internet surfing, or sleeping, start to take possession of our life force. We drink more, do more quantities of drugs, eat more, have more sex, do more internet surfing, gambling, shopping, or sleeping. We begin to wonder if we have an addiction, and if so, what good is it doing us? Should we stop? How do we? Anger is widely thrown in there as one of our "side affects." As well as blackouts and pass outs, and angry brawls we might not have had otherwise, and DWI'S and court costs and insurance rates and Trenton's charges. You don't yet know, anger IS part of your addiction, and usually a large part for a majority of people.
There are married men and women who are having the same things happen to them. Divorce ensues if the addiction isn't treated and put at bay. Children who were born into loving homes, are now five and six, and their parents are getting divorced. Now, they, too, have become affected by a loved one's addiction. Parents have worried for years over their children's addictions. Husbands over wives, wives over husbands. Addiction affects everyone.
Going to a twelve step program could help you, and will never hurt you. What is anonymity? Only first names are used in these programs, unless someone chooses to expose their last name. There is a saying, "Whatever is said here, stays here." Although, we human beings, don't listen to that one much, but should. Our stories are meant to help the still suffering alcoholic, which is all of us there, because even if not drinking, we are staying away from it on purpose, and that can sometimes feel like suffering.
Those stories should stay within the walls of those rooms. They are not meant to be told in the hall at the high school (yes, there were kids trying to quit drinking), or at dinner that night, or at the coffee clutch the next day. The fact is that as strict as we can be with ourselves, we should keep what goes on inside the rooms, separate from outside the rooms. There are many who don't want their presence at the meetings known, and usually, all respect that. Why is anonymity so important? It gives people who really need help, a place to go to where they can get it, free.
If these people didn't feel their anonymity was going to be respected, they might not ever attend another meeting, and kill themselves, or others, after yet another drunken night. Not so drastically, they could further keep damaging their relationships, and could end up losing a wife, kids, a home, a job, a boat, everything. Or a woman may have her kids taken from her, and be forced to live in a shelter and go to meetings until she can kick her addiction. There must be trust that one's story will not be all over town the next day.
It is necessary that any one who wants help, and is willing to work for a sober result, feels they have a safe place in which to do so. Since everyone is there for a common goal, they usually uphold the suggestions of the program, and respect others' privacy. The suggestions of these programs are very well thought out, and will work if you work them. There are a lot of "old-timers" who have a great deal of knowledge to share on how to stop drinking, how to stay away from drinking, and how to improve the quality of life. These meeting places must stay available, and anonymity is one of the hardest, but most respectful things to adhere to.
Exposing someone's anonymity could cause them to leave the meetings altogether, and return to abusive addictions, affecting not only themselves, but those who love them. Is it really that important to tell people you saw so and so at a twelve step meeting? You're not only exposing them, but your own self as well. You may not care, but the other person might. One person I knew would only attend a certain meeting in their hometown, during the winter months, when it was dark at 8 o'clock. They not only lived in the town, but had a business there, and didn't want anyone to see them.
This person was sober for close to twenty years. Imagine if she were talked about outside the rooms and people who frequented her place of business stopped coming? There are many implications to "letting the cat out of the bag" and the most serious is that if you couldn't keep your mouth quiet, and spread it around the neighborhood that so and so was an addict, they could be shunned, their wives could be shunned, and more hurtfully, their children might be teased and ostracized. The person may drop out of the meetings, and return to their addiction. If there are those interested in going to such meetings, or are going, please bare in mind, what you hear in those rooms, stays in those rooms.
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Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)Great Article Susan. If people learned to stop gossiping about things that don't concern them, the world would be a better place.Please log in to respond to this comment.dear anon, thank you for reading and responding. i think it particularly harmful when people are trying to improve their lives. best regards, sue thomPlease log in to respond to this comment.
Good article Susan, you know I believe their would be less alcoholics, drug addicts,and crime in the streets if conditions in society would change. I believe our way of life is a major reason for a lot of mental illness.Please log in to respond to this comment.
I'm the anonymous above, I forgot to log inPlease log in to respond to this comment.hi david, thank you for reading and responding. it's a shame what we, the people have screwed up while on this Earth so far. hope is for change. my best regards, suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
Hi Sue, I love the heart you expressed in this piece. It expresses how near and dear this is to you and how you honestly want to see others have victory in this area of their lives. Great job! I love how you expressed the "suffering" because you are denying your fleshly desires of the things that you know are not good for you" This is a great example of what Jesus meant when he said, deny yoursef" etc.. we won't go there again. :-) Just thought I would share that with you because it fit so perfectly and might help futher explain by your own example, what I was trying to say.. Again. great job-great points. Everyone needs a place where they can feel secure during a healing process of any kind. I often say that and call people to commit in my bible study prayer time "whatever goes on in here, stays in here! Great motto no matter what kind of group. Sleep well, blessing to you! Love, tPlease log in to respond to this comment.
hi t, thanks for reading and responding. yes, recovery of any sort is near and dear to me. escape can be dangerous at the most, and filled with heartache at best. thanks for sharing your thoughts, my best regards, suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
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