Susan Thom

Motivate Yourself And Become Your Best Friend


Posted: Wednesday, July 02, 2008

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There may be a time in all of our lives that we need the aide of outside sources to help us discover our feelings, motives, anger, and the reasons for that anger. We may seek professional services, or read certain types of books that explain different parts of our character, such as frustration, anger, judgmentalism, and how we can get to the root of what makes us feel the way we do, causing us to act in a certain way we may not be happy about.

"Feelings Buried Alive Never Die" by Karol K. Truman, helped me immensely. It was ground breaking in my discovery process, which led to my recovery process. I hadn't been connecting any dots as I was reaching each new year of my life. I hadn't traced the anger I felt back to an argumentative and over powering relationship with my father. Of course, I wasn't the one with the power. I was controlled, and I hated it, and vowed never to let it happen to me again. I was degraded and humiliated and verbally abused for the first twenty three years of my life, but I wasn't putting it together. So, I began to read books about controlling people and found out that I, too, shared many of my father's traits, but the book explained reasons for this behavior. Reasons that I could understand, and change. Reasons that I could now also understand about my father, and that allowed me to not be so angry towards him, now knowing he knew no better than I had. The difference was, I was finding out.

I read all kinds of self help books and went for help to stop drinking, and learned volumes, that I still apply to my life today, fourteen years later. I read about my horoscope and my character traits, and tried working on the negative ones and beefing up the positive. I read spiritual material and began to get deeper into my faith. I made amends with many people, my father being one of them, and the most important. We were close from that time until he passed away at seventy eight, some seven years later.

I read as much about anger as I could, and feelings, and why we think the way we do. I started going for reflexology sessions, and woke up some more. I started writing, and haven't stopped. I was able to get out all my thoughts and feelings so they were no longer lingering, waiting for the chance to invade my life in a negative way. I learned that words are just that; only words, and I didn't have to react to them. I wasn't responsible for someone else's personality, and I didn't have to let them affect mine. This information brought with it a calmness in my heart, mind, and soul that I was now in control over. Sayings from the twelve step program stayed in my head, the most helpful being, "How important is it?" or "Pick your battles," and "Just do it." I was calming myself and learning who I really was.

Dropping a glass and having it crash in a million pieces, spilling sugar or coffee grounds, no longer elicited swearing and mumbling angrily to myself. Angry words that wanted to jump out of my mouth were quieted with those sayings, and a lot of willpower. I tried it with my relationships, and they got better. Others hadn't changed, they may have been doing their own damage in the way they thought and behaved, but I was only responsible for myself, and by my example, those who mean the most to me have been positively affected. What others think and act like no longer mean what they once did to me. I have learned how to quiet myself, and if I want to calm down, I now know options on how to do that, and I use them.

Sometimes I need to be by myself to think and relax. I have my room set up with favorite things of mine that make me feel at peace. Sometimes, I type a story or read some. A nice aromatherapy bath always makes me feel better and calmer. Other times I take a walk around the property, or take my wonderful little friend, a malti poo named benji, for a walk down to the mailbox, looking at all the beauty of nature on the way there and back. Maybe a nap is needed, and I no longer feel guilty for rejuvenating my mind and body. This time by myself allows me to think my own thoughts, arrange and rearrange them, and come up with a more positive attitude or solution to a problem.

Then, my partner and I enjoy relaxing on the swing on the front porch, listening to music, or just talking. Sometimes, we take a walk down to the lake behind our home and take a boat ride around the twelve acres. There is nothing but the pure beauty of nature every time we do so. All of these ways of releasing stress prevent the more negative feelings from surfacing. My mind is then calm enough to say what's on my mind or in my heart, without causing bad feelings. I motivated myself to go on a little journey of self discovery, and it has brought me to a point of more peace and vibrancy.

Being alone with myself is no longer a lonely time. It is more a time to reflect and focus and put things in order and in perspective. I can count on myself, I can reason situations out, I can figure better ways of approaching circumstances and people, and I am so much happier. I am only in the beginning stages, maybe the middle, but I know the road of self discovery is not going to end until I do. I have finally become my best friend, the one responsible for how I think, act, and react. The one I can trust. I am in control of myself, and for that, I am grateful.



Susan Thom is the mother of three children, two sons, 20 and 23, and a daughter 25. Her older son is in the air force in Germany right now, and her daughter is in the army in Tacoma, Washington.

Writing calms her, and gives her a place to go by herself! Clears the head and gets it out. She lives in a rural area, with a lake and mountains, and her partner, and has loved writing since she was a child.

She has been on a journey of self discovery for twenty years, and has learned many things about the human mind, and how to maintain some semblance of calm and peace within.

If someone reads one of her stories, and relates to her feelings, and gets a suggestion on how she dealt with them in a positive way, that would be the ultimate gift of her writing.

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