There Is Simplicity In Pain
Posted: Saturday, July 26, 2008
by Susan Thom
We are guided from an early age to diminish our problems or worries, and keep our chin up. Don't bother others with your woes and troubles. So, then, what do we do? Try to ignore the knawing feeling in our soul? Cry into our pillow so no one will hear? I've done that plenty of times. Drown our sorrows in alcohol and drugs? Too bad the problem is right smack dab where it was before you passed out! Pray, and hope your prayers are heard? I have written many articles on how to get yourself out of the depths of despair, with many suggestions on doing so.
However, there is nothing wrong with taking some time to simply absorb the pain of what you are going through. Chances are, the pain won't be going away immediately, but tomorrow, you'll be back to baking cakes and washing clothes, and going about your normal routine. The feeling of being unsettled will follow you through your chores and daily routines. We owe ourselves the respect to allow our emotions to be felt before they are pushed under the surface again. If a good friend betrays you, and you act like nothing happened, and continue with the relationship, there is always going to be that separation between the two of you if you remain quiet.
The edge of cynicism and mistrust will remain in your midst. Sometimes, you just have to absorb the pain, and fix things when they are ready to be mended. If a problem is too new, it might be best to wait until both sides have a chance to calm down and think. However, if what ever is wrong isn't fixed, both of you will suffer and feel the pain. If there is a temporary break in the relationship, the tips I talked about would help. You need to keep yourself busy doing positive things, while taking some time to relax and do what you enjoy doing. This keeps up your strength and resolve while you are feeling the pangs of a relationship gone awry.
Nonetheless, those feelings need to be felt and the anger needs to be dispelled and a conversation needs to take place. Hopefully, a positive agreement will be made, and you can then move on with a clean slate. Maybe you were offended, and the other person didn't realize it or mean it. Until you can talk about what is bothering you, nothing can get settled. Everyone has their own interpretation of the same scene, and until you can work things out, feeling the pain is a must. We all want to be so strong. We won't ask for anyone's help, we won't take anyone's help, we act like we're fine, and we're hurting within. That hurt has to be validated. A day off from everything else to just be sad, and mourn, is telling your feelings that they're being heard. You are giving them credence, acknowledging them, and feeling them.
In this manner, there are no residual affects of closing your feelings off. People get ulcers, cancer, heart disease, and more, over stress and feelings and not allowing themselves to feel their own pain. You may use a million reasons why you should stay strong and "keep your chin up." You were raised that way, that's the way it's supposed to be, no one will care so why should I let them see me in pain? I won't give anyone the satisfaction of knowing I hurt, I have to be strong and let it go. Well, you can't let it go until you deal with it. If someone hurt your feelings, you have every right to feel insecure.
And you have every right to feel what you are going through. It is a healing process. First you accept it, then you feel it, then you absorb the pain, then you think about, then you correct it. Everything I write about is simply experiences that I have learned in my journey through addiction, family, home, emotions, an autoimmune disease stemming from stress, spirituality, and all the helpful information I have gathered in the past 20 years. It's helped me, so it should be able to help anyone else as well.
We all need to take care of ourselves if we want to live happy, healthy, and meaningful lives. And that takes work. When we keep all our emotions and feelings and grudges and annoyances within ourselves, we become frustrated, angry, impatient, and rude. I don't think it helped our generation, I am 52, to have our mothers constantly trying to quell our voices when dad wanted to leash out on whichever whipping post was closer. It hurt our feelings when our dad was mean or yelled. To be told to be quiet by mom, only set us up for being adults with problems, and not knowing what to do with the feelings that come with "Shh, keep your mouth shut" If we want to live in a calmer manner, we have to learn how. Somedays, we just have to absorb the pain.
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Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)Hi Sue, very well said. I think as you stated, there is balance in everything. A constant pitty party is not healthy--but an occasionally rest in the pit is the perfect medicine to reflect and move on. And it is a specially blessing to have friends and family who will not rush us out, but will simply sit with us for a while. Thanks for another fantastic word of wisdom. hugs & friendship, tPlease log in to respond to this comment.hi t,i wrote this because someone told me that if it had been anybody else during these past 17 months of Hell, they would have cracked, committed suicide, etc., and i started thinking, you know,i'm acting like nothing is going on when my whole life is up in the air. sometimes we just have to give in to our feelings, for a day, or an hour, and it will make us stronger to go on, at least, i've found that true with me. thanks for reading and commenting,my best,suePlease log in to respond to this comment.Hi Sue, you have been through the wringer and you do not have to pretend you haven't. Good for you. Boy, I guess I was in a hurry when I commented last. My grammer was terrible! :-) Talk to you soon. I am off to buy some lumber so Art can getted started on the floors. Have a restful day. Talk to you soon. Or give me a call on my cell if you want to chat. I actually have some time (while on the road) terrible I know, but don't tell anybody :-)Please log in to respond to this comment.t,send me your cell number to my e mail address.thanks,suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
Hi Sue! I hear you loud and clear. To feel the pain and reflect on the solution is very healthy. I have heard and hold on to the expression, "Pain is inevitable and suffering is optional." Thank you for a great article and your desire to help someone else that may possibly going through the same thing. God bless you!Please log in to respond to this comment.hi michelle,thank you for coming by and commenting.i'm glad you liked this article, and i love that saying, it's just been a long time since i heard it. it's very true. somedays, you just have to give in, but most of the time, you have to fight back and not let the world or those in it, bring you down.enjoy your day,best regards,suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
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