Susan Thom

How To Minimize Hurt, And Stand Strong


Posted: Saturday, August 09, 2008

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I have been soft, my whole entire life. Oh, I could physically hold my own with siblings, but my heart was hurt instantly for a million different reasons. I know there are many who don't believe in astrology, but I am someone who does. I also know that not everyone follows their sign's characteristics. My sign is cancer: "Cancer, the fourth Sign of the Zodiac, is all about home. Those born under this Sign are 'roots' kinds of people and take great pleasure in the comforts of home and family. Cancers are maternal, domestic and love to nurture others."

When we become friends with someone, or with our family, we develop roots with those we care about. They run deep. We would, and have, done many selfless things for these family and friends. We've had a life of our own, but we have incorporated many ideas and hours of time into these friends, family, and coworkers. We subconsciously feel we are owed some type of loyalty and love in return. When opportunities arise where there is the opposite of love and nurturing and loyalty, something happens to we cancers. We hurt to the core of our existence, and we never forget, we always forgive, but it is rare that we forget.

As each incident occurs, we lose a little bit more of our armor and our heart. Both lose. Our armor is chipped away, since we don't feel the need to protect ourselves anymore once we learn to distance ourselves from those who mean us harm, or if not distance ourselves, then, stay away from them as much as possible. This goes against a cancer's grain, being the nurturer's we are, but if we let everyone hurt us that tries, we stand a good chance of being physically ill all the time. Unfortunately, there is much pain involved to becoming a reformed "nurturer." We need to begin to think about ourselves more, and others less. They have their own lives, and we need ours. Our minds keep drifting to this person and that, this situation and that one, when we need to rely on ourselves and build ourselves up to be the person we've always wanted to be.

We can only do this once we have released everything else from our minds. That takes work. Our father's rebellious attitude has to go. Our hurt feelings over teenage romances, has to go. Any residual hurts over romances have to go. Our tenacious relationship with our mother, definitely has to go. Our desire to get positive feedback and attention, and never being satisfied, has to be acknowledged, and let go. In their place must be inner strength, and the knowledge that no one is better than you, and you are honest, caring, and never malicious. You are, and always have been, a good person. Once you let go, you can just be that person, even if it's done all on your own.

You can be your own best friend. You can deal in reality, and admit your character defects. You can think about how to change them. You then can put them to use, and get satisfaction from their success. You can throw the old feelings and emotions up into the sky, they don't do you any good. You can begin to really enjoy life in the moment you are in, since you have learned how quickly it can change. Right now, we can be feeling content, typing, coffee to the right, no one around, music playing, and within seconds, something could happen to change that. What do we do? Fall apart? Scream? Shake? Faint? Panic? Cry? Or handle it?

Our minds and bodies can absorb and handle more than we give them credit for. However, they need the mind to steer the ship. And if the mind isn't focused and strong, nothing will be strong that follows. We will fall apart, scream, shake, faint, panic, and cry. Many of us do. I don't want to. I'm tired of all that dramatics. I've had my share, my dose of it on this Earth. Now, I'm using my mind. I can have relationships and yet not allow them to consume me. I can have three kids, and yet not allow worrying about them to deplete me. I did my job, I got them safely to adult age, now they're on their own. If I can help them I will, but if I can't, they have to figure out another plan.

No one has the right to burden me so I feel listless and achy and depressed. Those people are going to stay the same. I'm the one who has to change the way I interpret their actions. I also have to decide how much of myself I'm going to give to each individual in my life. I could give my all, and not get back any. Silly to spend my time on that person. I want to surround myself with those like the friends I have. They are honest, and warm, kind, caring, trustworthy, dependable, and are always right where they should be when I need them. Positivity, light, freedom, a sense of happiness and pride and self assuredness, and lots of strength. A dose of conversation with a good friend or family member can make you feel like a lot better than before you called.

Once we learn to accept people as they are, and not who we want them to be, life becomes easier, and relationships smoother. The same goes for our shell. Once we strengthen our outside shell from letting in the things that hurt us, we won't be getting hurt as much anymore. I've done a lot of worrying in my fifty two years, now is a good time to stop. Accept the conditions of each circumstance, and each relationship, and do what you have to in order to make them better. If that can't happen, get rid of that person or situation. Start thinking about what you want for a change. Maybe then the tears will stop.



Susan Thom is the mother of three children, two sons, 20 and 23, and a daughter 25. Her older son is in the air force in Germany right now, and her daughter is in the army in Tacoma, Washington.

Writing calms her, and gives her a place to go by herself! Clears the head and gets it out. She lives in a rural area, with a lake and mountains, and her partner, and has loved writing since she was a child.

She has been on a journey of self discovery for twenty years, and has learned many things about the human mind, and how to maintain some semblance of calm and peace within.

If someone reads one of her stories, and relates to her feelings, and gets a suggestion on how she dealt with them in a positive way, that would be the ultimate gift of her writing.

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