Susan Thom

Why Set Yourself Up


Posted: Saturday, September 13, 2008

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Do we remember when we were little, and dreaded going to the doctor's for a shot? We were nervous and fearful for days beforehand. The moment finally approached, and we were in the car, clammy and shaking at the thought of that mile long needle. Our feet dangled as we waited impatiently in the office. Then, the big bang, our name was called. We knew mom would catch us if we tried to escape, so we slowly walked to the needle room. Up on the gurney. Sleeves rolled up. Squinting our eyes with all our might, we wait for the pain to come. We open our eyes, unclench our teeth and hands, and find that we've already gotten the shot, and haven't felt a thing. All that trepidation for two weeks until our appointment. The fear of what was to happen, hanging over our heads like a balloon ready to explode with water.

We learned that we allowed ourselves to get worked up for nothing. We let our mind control our body, and fear was the driving force. It seems we're always fearful of the unknown. In High School, we studied hard for our tests, never quite sure of the knowledge we were taking in, but memorizing it just the same. We know almost all the answers, and timidly hand in our paper. The next day, we find we got a B, and that's fine with us. We have learned that if we study, some of that information has to seep into our brains. We are learning many things, many times in our lives. However, are we absorbing our lessons for future use? Are we going to continue being nervous going for a shot, when we have learned it didn't hurt? Are we going to worry about our test when we learned that if we study hard the nights before, chances are we'll get a good grade?

Nothing is absolute. There are still going to be problems that need solving, but if we train our minds to look at things in a more positive manner, we will be calmer and more at peace. It's a good idea to learn early on, how to pray, and to do so in times of need, and times of thanksgiving. When everyone else is asleep, and we're up worrying about some bully who's going to take our lunch tomorrow, we need to remember that God is always right in our soul, deep within, and He hears our pleas for help. It might be that we have to get scruffed up a bit, and receive an open cut, before we can go to the nurse, and the bully is stopped. Sometimes, it's not our lesson to be learned in a given situation, we are, however, participants in someone else's lesson. Maybe between the school's punishment, and the parents', our school bully will stop, and not hurt anyone again.

We are a sum of all our experiences, both good and bad. If we have the desire and capability to change, we will find ourselves in a lot less trouble throughout our lives. If we learn from our experiences, and don't repeat the same mistakes, life will run a lot smoother for us. Focus is so important to our daily schedules. It keeps us in the moment, and not daydreaming about things to come, or saddened by things that have already happened. It allows us to take care of the problem, and get rid of it. It no longer needs to recycle in our brains, keeping us on slippery toes, waiting for the axe to fall. The axe doesn't always have to fall. When it does so, we need to be ready and willing to work our problem out to the best of our ability, and move on. There will be more stressful situations to come. Life isn't easy. So much can happen to throw us off balance and take our focus and fling it to the side.

We must concentrate on what's best to do in any given circumstance, and think of others as well as ourselves. Pray for the bully, or the mean boss, or the test you need to take. Be ready to be part of the solution, and not part of the problem. The more we learn how to gracefully deal with society, the more at peace our soul will be. Feeling calm and happy and ready for each new day, is so much better than waking up with a knot in the pit of your stomach, worried about the office conference, or the interview, or the mortgage being signed on your first house. I worried how we would make ends meet while signing our mortgage, and we've been here 21 years. No amount of worrying was going to change the outcome. And yet, we seem to be able to think negative thoughts, and go ahead and worry anyway.

Patience, acceptance and fortitude, take time to incorporate into our way of thinking. For some of us, it can take years. For me, it did! I was stubborn and thought I could plow my way through this Earth, until I found out after years of heartache, I could, but I wouldn't be happy. There are compromises to be made, hard work to be done, people to deal with, and if we choose to ignore the ways of a happy life, we stand the risk of being miserable. Life comes to us every second of every day, and the more ways we can incorporate peace and tranquility, the happier we will be. We must stay within our own realm of problems, and although we can easily support and pray for others, we mustn't let their problems become ours. Once the negative baggage is erased from our soul, it would be useless if we were to fill it back up again with others' unfortunate situations.

We must not set ourselves up for a fall. If we are not paying attention to life, that is likely to happen. We may become lazy, and not take care of our responsibilities, and invite total financial despair. We set ourselves up for the fall, and then worry when we can't pay our bills. The new couch was worth it. Maybe so, but that isn't paying the bills, and is, in fact, taking away the money allocated for such. We buy a used car and never check the oil or the transmission fluid, or the radiator, or the tires, and the car disintegrates and dies out. We set ourselves up for exactly what happened. And then we worry about how we're going to afford to fix it. Don't get into a financial situation to begin with, take care of your bills and your responsibilities first, and your pleasure later. Don't set yourself up for a negative situation, and then blame the world. Learn how to protect your well being by not setting yourself up for pain and sorrow.



Susan Thom is the mother of three children, two sons, 20 and 23, and a daughter 25. Her older son is in the air force in Germany right now, and her daughter is in the army in Tacoma, Washington.

Writing calms her, and gives her a place to go by herself! Clears the head and gets it out. She lives in a rural area, with a lake and mountains, and her partner, and has loved writing since she was a child.

She has been on a journey of self discovery for twenty years, and has learned many things about the human mind, and how to maintain some semblance of calm and peace within.

If someone reads one of her stories, and relates to her feelings, and gets a suggestion on how she dealt with them in a positive way, that would be the ultimate gift of her writing.

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