Susan Thom

Let Honesty Shine Through


Posted: Tuesday, October 14, 2008

by

Blame is such a destructive decision making process. The decision to deny that you said or did, or didn't do something is to make the decision to lie. Fear is usually behind any lie. Those who don't have a thick skin can't handle the reprimands, so they don't tell the truth. If they have a conscience, each lie adds up to another feeling of shame and guilt that just gets stuffed down somewhere deep inside, displaying itself in anger, impatience, and depression. Our subconscious stays focused on the lie we told, and takes away from our peace of mind. If we decide to eventually tell the truth, it is much harder after we've already told our lie.

We could keep the truth to ourselves until we either can't take the deceit anymore, or we are questioned over and over again until we snap and spill the beans. I don't think anyone fancies being yelled at or punished, but we have got to learn that honesty truly is the best policy, and the more we practice, the better we get. Let's say you spill coffee on a co workers assignment. They come back from break, and see their paperwork splattered with brown, and ask you if you spilled coffee on them. Your brain starts to throb, your nerves start jumping, your heart beats faster, and too many words are flashing through your brain. You don't want them to be mad at you, so you deny spilling the coffee. Everyone in the area is questioned, everyone says they didn't do it. One person is lying.

I think we owe it to ourselves to be honest. It is a part of who we are, and people will appreciate someone they know tells the truth. Being honest should give us pride in ourselves, and when we don't have to worry about dealing with the backlash of lying, we can live content in the fact that we are free from "stories" made up, and our conscience is clear. I once was a people pleaser. Everyone had to like me. I learned through experience that lies do no one any good, and if I have to lie to someone for them to like me, or not get mad at me, then it's really time to look at who I've surrounded yourself with. Actually, I did do just that, and now, I am balanced as to where the people I care about and associate with are truth seekers, and they also know that lying just isn't part of a healthy lifestyle.

I remember the first invitation to a Pampered Chef party I got once I was committed to telling the truth. I had been to a couple of these parties, and had one of my own, and didn't need anymore products. When I called the neighbor, I simply told her my reason. She was genuinely surprised and glad that I had told the truth. There was no need to avoid her, and I didn't have to buy anymore gadgets I didn't need. Another neighbor had a picnic I didn't attend because I was stressed and depressed, going through a divorce, and that's what I told her. I didn't make up an excuse, just that I wasn't in the mood for being around people. She, too, understood, and there are no lies between us.

You don't want to go to a party? You make up an excuse about your son being sick, and the next day, you're in the stands with the couple you lied to, watching both your sons play basketball. If you make it a practice not to lie, you don't have to feel like someone is looking over your shoulder all the time. Unless one has no conscience, lying is like an anchor, pulling you into deceit and possible retribution. It's like a black light on an otherwise brightly lit soul. We have call waiting, and I never know just what to say when someone tries to tell me they called me, but the line was busy, or I look on the caller ID, and their number isn't on it. Those are the people to watch out for, if they'll lie about something as simple as a phone call, they'll most likely lie about a lot.

I think inner strength has a lot to do with telling the truth. If you know who you are, and what you stand for, you won't need to lie to anyone. The strength you have accumulated allows you to simply be honest. It's so much easier, than trying to remember what you told whom. When you worry about hurting someone's feelings, you can do more harm than good. If a friend gets a hair color that is too bright or too dark, a true friend will give their honest opinion when asked. If, instead, you make a big deal about how beautiful the color is, and how nice it looks, either someone is going to be brave enough to tell the truth, in which your lie will be exposed, or you'll just tell the truth from the start, "I like the color, but I think it's too dark with your skin tone."

Honesty is something that most of us have to work on, remember, and practice. Nobody benefits from a lie. Telling the truth should be taught from a young age, and strengthened as time goes on. It is very comforting when you know the people you care about are honest, and will tell you the real truth. You might not like it, but the truth only plays out the way it is. Can you imagine if we could actually believe in people, and government, and family? I bet the sun would shine a little brighter.

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Susan Thom is the mother of three children, two sons, 20 and 23, and a daughter 25. Her older son is in the air force in Germany right now, and her daughter is in the army in Tacoma, Washington.

Writing calms her, and gives her a place to go by herself! Clears the head and gets it out. She lives in a rural area, with a lake and mountains, and her partner, and has loved writing since she was a child.

She has been on a journey of self discovery for twenty years, and has learned many things about the human mind, and how to maintain some semblance of calm and peace within.

If someone reads one of her stories, and relates to her feelings, and gets a suggestion on how she dealt with them in a positive way, that would be the ultimate gift of her writing.

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