More And More "Families" Are Not Connected Biologically
Posted: Friday, October 17, 2008
by Susan Thom
I never know whether God makes things happen, or allows them to, and waits to see what we'll do with the circumstances we find ourselves involved in. With a ratio of 1 out of 2 marriages ending in divorce, these times are very different than years ago, when people stayed together no matter what. We've learned that maybe this isn't in the best interest of ourselves, or our children. There are so many reasons couples lose interest in one another. If either were acting a part, and role playing while dating, and then go back to who they really are, the other spouse may not like the "real" you. Maybe everything is fine while wining and dining, and 2 kids later, responsibility overcomes nightly sports watching with friends every night in the garage. The constant care of babies, toddlers, kids, and teens can be overwhelming at times, actually, during many times throughout their formative years.
Love is apparent between many kids and their adoptive parents, as is often the case between kids and their "step parents." When you live with someone every day, you can get to know them pretty well. There may be deep affection for the person one of your parents is with, and a happiness and security returns to kids who once were confused and angry. The same blood may not run through their veins, but no matter, it is the relationship that matters, and the feelings of trust and safety. When kids know that a parent or step parent has their best interests at heart, they can leave the adult worries to the adults, and allow themselves to be kids, and enjoy that period of their lives. They'll be adults soon enough, with their own problems to attend to. In the meantime, they need shelter, love, commitment, and a feeling of safety. Families don't have to be biologically connected to be a real family. Love is the main ingredient in a family, not necessarily DNA and blood.
In these days of marriages failing more than succeeding, the kids are the ones we must focus on, making sure they are taken care of and made to feel protected and loved. I have an extended family, and know first hand that one has the ability to love a child as if they had been born to them. I also have 3 grand daughters that call me grandma, and I have no blood relation to them. However, I was there for them in a grandmother capacity, and they, in their innocence, no nothing about blood relations. The feeling that shoots through me everytime I hear "Grandma" is like a slice of Heaven, and actually warms my heart. "I love you grandma" sends me to a place in my mind I didn't know was there, never having heard the words, "I love you grandma." How much more real can you get than that? Or lying in my bed, watching a Disney movie, and one of them stroking my face, or cuddling up next to me. Families don't have to be biologically connected to be a real family.
Love is the key ingredient, and the foundation through which the hard times can be withstood, and the happy times enjoyed. Respect for each other is paramount to the success of any relationship. Honor comes with time, and when enough situations are solved with the help of another, trust develops. When enough answers are found to be true, admiration occurs. When enough conversations are shared, there develops a feeling of knowing one another. People joined together for reasons unknown, can actually live their lives together, and be happy. They can feel they are part of a family. A chosen family. Honesty plays a big role in acquiring trust, and is something everyone must strive to possess. Dishonesty and manipulations can only cause problems and frustration and anger.
To raise a family in an honest, responsible, parental way, is a difficult challenge, but it can be done. The rewards are happiness, and peace, and respect for one another. Everyone enjoying life instead of just living it. So many households are a blend of yours, mine, and ours. Step dad and step mom. Step brother and step sister. If we take the time to work on our relationships, they will take the time to work on us, making us happy and content. There doesn't have to be jealousy or anger at another person joining your life, unless they aren't a good person. Otherwise, a new adventure in life could be starting, and one that could teach you things from another perspective. If you have the mindset that you are going to learn from the experience, and accept another confidante into your life, or a few, your life may be enriched. An open mind and a willing heart are needed to ensure a peaceful existence. We all deserve the chance to be happy.
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Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)Sue I agree with you, "an open mind and a willing heart" are what's needed to make it life easier and manageable. Blended families can work and like everything, it takes work. You've shared your knowledge of this subject very well. Have a good weekend!Please log in to respond to this comment.
hi avis,thank you for reading and responding.they say, "write what you know about"love feels good.enjoy your weekend as well,my best to you,suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
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