What Has This Economy Done To Single Mothers
Posted: Thursday, April 30, 2009
by Susan Thom
Not every single mother with kids is the outcast most people have chosen to label them. It isn't easy in this economy or any other as well, for a single person to take care of a home, kids, bills, food, clothes and any extras. If this single woman should choose to stay at home with her children, or cannot make enough money to pay child care and still have anything left, they are usually frowned upon by those who have an outside job.
If they are lucky enough to receive child support, that money goes to groceries, utilities, necessities, gas, spending money, etc. I have one child left at home, and they can eat at least two hundred dollars worth of groceries a week, no problem.We go through fifty dollars a week in milk, six in cereal, seven in chicken finger snacks, twenty in cold cuts, or more, and that's just a few items that are bought every week. And then, there's "Mom, can you pick me up a couple of t shirts?" "Can I get a new CD, or a new game?" and "Can I have money to go to the movies?" I can't believe how expensive that couple of hours is, and then add popcorn and drinks, and you've got a 30-40 dollar event on your hands.
There are those who suggest one could hand over the child support to the child, brilliant idea, but that's not what it's for. It is for mom to take care of the child or children, even if they are 18 or older. My one child who is still home, now eats everything in sight, which I am happy about since they didn't always eat as well. But those cereals and cookies and snacks and fruit and meat and vegetables all cost money. It costs money to have a cell phone, and internet access, and DirecTV. There is spending money, and whether they use that for cat food and litter, or I buy it, it's still an expense. My "young adult" understands all of this, as most people do.
For those who don't, I'm sure I just explained it. For a single parent, child support is an assist, it is not the whole picture. If I charged my child for the food they eat, the drinks they drink, the different toiletries and colognes they want, the internet they use, the cable they watch, the heat that keeps them warm, the electricity they use, and the cell phone attached to their hip, they would need to add much to their child support. Either that, or cut back on all the things they are used to, and that make them happy.
Then, there are those who believe that child support should be stretched even further. This would include cars, insurance, gas, maintenance, concert tickets, and any other unforeseen expenses. Of course, there are always those unforeseen circumstances. I have explained to my child what their child support is going towards, and they agree that it is how it should be.
For those that entertain the idea that the child support should go to the kids directly, it doesn't work like that. I would take my child to Wal-Mart once and have them buy everything they want and think they need for a month, and they would run short. I do. Luckily, I have raised my child well, and they know what is right, and are perfectly fine stepping back and letting me take care of them with their child support. After all, that's the way it's supposed to be.
I probably shouldn't have bought that fur coat over the winter, or the new car, or the new wardrobe, or the few diamond pieces of jewelry, or had my teeth fixed. Of course, I am being factitious. I would go without, and have, for my kids, and I can't afford to have my teeth fixed, or buy a car. And my child knows this. They are not easily influenced. They are quite happy living in this home where they feel comfortable and at ease. Their friends come over often, and they have been making good use of our lake, taking the boat out and fishing.
They have all the basics, and then some. Of course, these things all cost money. It is not easy for anyone in this economy to make ends meet, however, I will always make sure my child is provided for, as I have been. I am their caretaker, and I am doing just that. I think unless one has experienced making ends meet, or providing for a child or young adult, they really have no business commenting on such things.
There are those who suggest one could hand over the child support to the child, brilliant idea, but that's not what it's for. It is for mom to take care of the child or children, even if they are 18 or older. My one child who is still home, now eats everything in sight, which I am happy about since they didn't always eat as well. But those cereals and cookies and snacks and fruit and meat and vegetables all cost money. It costs money to have a cell phone, and internet access, and DirecTV. There is spending money, and whether they use that for cat food and litter, or I buy it, it's still an expense. My "young adult" understands all of this, as most people do.
For those who don't, I'm sure I just explained it. For a single parent, child support is an assist, it is not the whole picture. If I charged my child for the food they eat, the drinks they drink, the different toiletries and colognes they want, the internet they use, the cable they watch, the heat that keeps them warm, the electricity they use, and the cell phone attached to their hip, they would need to add much to their child support. Either that, or cut back on all the things they are used to, and that make them happy.
Then, there are those who believe that child support should be stretched even further. This would include cars, insurance, gas, maintenance, concert tickets, and any other unforeseen expenses. Of course, there are always those unforeseen circumstances. I have explained to my child what their child support is going towards, and they agree that it is how it should be.
For those that entertain the idea that the child support should go to the kids directly, it doesn't work like that. I would take my child to Wal-Mart once and have them buy everything they want and think they need for a month, and they would run short. I do. Luckily, I have raised my child well, and they know what is right, and are perfectly fine stepping back and letting me take care of them with their child support. After all, that's the way it's supposed to be.
I probably shouldn't have bought that fur coat over the winter, or the new car, or the new wardrobe, or the few diamond pieces of jewelry, or had my teeth fixed. Of course, I am being factitious. I would go without, and have, for my kids, and I can't afford to have my teeth fixed, or buy a car. And my child knows this. They are not easily influenced. They are quite happy living in this home where they feel comfortable and at ease. Their friends come over often, and they have been making good use of our lake, taking the boat out and fishing.
They have all the basics, and then some. Of course, these things all cost money. It is not easy for anyone in this economy to make ends meet, however, I will always make sure my child is provided for, as I have been. I am their caretaker, and I am doing just that. I think unless one has experienced making ends meet, or providing for a child or young adult, they really have no business commenting on such things.
Especially those who are single, and don't know the first thing about raising children. I have been doing so for 23 years, mostly alone, and I know my job well. Responsible mothers make sure their children have what they need, not always what they want. I will continue to take care of my child in the best way I see fit, without outside interference, and that's A okay with them.
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Top-level comments on this article: (7 total)I'm in agreement with you Sue! I haven't always been married and being the caretaker of a child is not cheap. I think you have taught your children well.Love, hugs and blessingsPlease log in to respond to this comment.hi michelle,it is so nice seeing comments from you once again. i know it was a long haul, and it's not over yet, but you are moving forward, and that's a good thing. i'm happy for you.thanks for reading and responding and sharing your feedback,my best to you,suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
As long as your children appreciate what you do for them (and yours do) that's the important thing, good article SusanPlease log in to respond to this comment.hi david,thank you david.i'm pretty lucky when it comes to them appreciating what i do for them, even if they keep it to themselves sometimes :)thaks for reading and commenting,my best,suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
Hi Sue, Excellent job! You even included a funny! I haven't seen this from you before - I like it :-)How is that red corvette working for you? (hee hee) You remind me of my mom, I have been thinking about a few things that I haven't thought about in years. You have inspired me to write my mothers day tribute.Kudos to you for hanging in there! Happy Mother's Day to you! tPlease log in to respond to this comment.hi t,i'm glad you were inspired, and maybe a smile was brought to your face.it is 11:50 saturday morn, and we have no ride to the bank or post office, and there's nothing we can do about it. but, you know the saying, "what goes around, comes around."and, it's a white corvette :)i would love to read your mother's tribute. i bet it will be lovely.i don't think mother's get credit for what they do, or how much they care. as long as there is food, and nintendo, and games, and cologne and clothes and sneakers, and concerts, etc. not to mention a clean and comfortable home that keeps them safe and warm.unfortunately, most mothers are elderly or have passed on before one of their kids writes a tribute for them.my mom passed away when i was 34, and she was 59. i'd give anything to have her in body, as well as the spirit that is kept alive in my soul for her.have a nice mother's day, too.thanks for stopping by,my best,suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
I told you that you've made it through! Taking the high road is never easy, or popular. You have done an excellent job, Sue, and I am proud of you.Please log in to respond to this comment.hi ken,you're sweet.and i appreciate every word of all your comments, thank you.it's been horrific for these past 2 years, financially, and for many, emotionally, and i am still waiting for my funds to come, 7 months after the divorce was final, but i am on my way back up the ladder, and i will succeed.thanks for your encouragement, it means a lot,my best to you,suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
Hey susan,Thankyou so much for your email asking how I was doing, it meant so much to me. This article is very timely in my life right now. i've always felt guilty when I talked about child support. Most men think you are taking advantage of the dad for expecting him to help raise his kids. The law sucks when it comes to child support. The dead beat dads get away without paying becasue it is so much easier for child support enforcement to go after the guys who are responsible and hold down a job but unfortunately have vindictive ex-wives going for their throats and make their lives a living hell.My ex had to watch the kids for the past two months while I was out of commission and was upset i had put him through it. The nerve of me I suppose. he got a taste of what a single mom has to go through however and I think he may make an extra effort to pay his child support on time and not make me out to be this gold digging you know what!It takes an absolute ton of money to raise children theses days and I'm glad you brought attention to this and wrote this article. Thanks again for your thoughts and concern, It really menat the world to me. lolPlease log in to respond to this comment.hi myla,no one will ever know what single mothers go through, especially after a divorce, and no money is coming in, and yet there are 3 hungry mouths to feed, and that ain't including your own!, unless they are a single mother going through it.thanks for reading and commenting, and i hope you continue to get better with each day.i didn't get a notification of this comment, just happened to see it today, sorry.my best regards,suep.s. when i sent you the e mail, i didn't know you were sick..Please log in to respond to this comment.
Hi Susan, I never planned on being a single mom, but now I am due to a bad marriage. I never frowned down on single mothers, but I know one thing, it's harder than I thought, I knew it would be hard but not this hard.I applause all the single mom's out there, and yes your right...its expensive. I would go without just so they can have, and its going to be like that for the rest of my life, which is totally OK with me. I just wish I could give them more, but like you said, bills - including everything from groceries to taxes and everything inbetween. I was easier paying for bills with my X here, but its more peaceful without him here and we will manage cause God has us in his hands. Thanks for writing this article SusPlease log in to respond to this comment.
hi Kathy,Yes, i have also given up the security of money for peace of mind. at almost 53, i'm ready to start living, after 24 years of slowly dying. I'm glad I'm finally out, and can also, be at peace.thanks for reading and commenting,my best,suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
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