Susan Thom

I Share My Father's Strength In Spirit



Posted: Tuesday, September 29, 2009

by Susan Thom

When I was growing up, my dad was bigger than life. He was about 6' and he had lean weight to him. He was loud and boisterous at times, so I always knew I just had to stand behind him. Even if he was wrong, he'd argue it out ad nauseum until the other person involved simply gave up.

I thought he could do anything, although it was well known he wasn't mechanically inclined. He always tried, though, whether it was a running toilet or a leak in the bathroom. I think he thought he could do anything, too. Our neighbor was usually summoned. Now HE knew how to fix anything.

No matter what it was my father had to do, he did it in stride. He worked hard and had 4 little kids to send to Catholic school, and child support for 2 children from a previous marriage, and he managed to do it all on a cook's salary. He was on bowling leagues, and had many trophies throughout the house of his high score, especially since he was a lefty. We were all so proud of him.

He may not have had a very nice disposition most of the time, but I trusted him and I felt safe when he was around. I didn't feel like anything or anyone could hurt me. It was a calming feeling, and one that made me happy to be alive. I felt comforted and protected, and I don't believe he ever knew.

So much has happened to me in the past several years, and I have called on my father often. He passed away June 6, 2001. When I need to feel that strength I felt sitting on his lap, I talk to him. I ask him to help me feel brave and strong. I ask him to please help me if there's a way to do so. I look at his picture on my computer desk, and I feel like I'm there, at my sister's wedding.

I want to say, "Dad, I got hurt, where were you? Dad, I was degraded and made fun of and bad mouthed and misunderstood, and maliciously attacked. I was left without finances or a car, where were you? I thought you spirits could connect and help and guide?" My father always wanted me to be independent and able to take care of myself.

When I finally figured out he was watching closely, but I had to take care of my own business, I of course, apologized. "I didn't want to put any pressure on you dad, it's just that you're the only one I can trust. You're the only one who will stand up for me, and you're the only one who still can make me feel safe." As the time went on, and the situations grew worse, I looked at my father's picture and I'd smile.

I could feel his strength and the power of his good will for his daughter. He may not have been able to help me physically, but he could encourage me and push me and keep me strong. There was a day a couple of years after my father passed, and I was thinking about him, and asked him to show me a sign that he could hear me. I forgot about my request, and did the normal chores around the house.

At 2, I went down to get the mail. There was a letter from my brother. It said my father's bills had finally all been paid, and he wanted whatever was left to be split between the 4 of us-he had no money, and out of the envelope slid a check, and my sister-in-law had written in the memo"this is from your father." Coincidence? To many, but not to me.

I made it through each new set of circumstances, and I'm still hear to tell about the things you learn about yourself when you're living in fear. I learned I really do have the will to live, and fight for what I believe in. I learned not to let anyone take what was rightfully mine. I learned to never give up. I saw that I had perseverance and integrity and the ability to be organized.

I had learned the gifts my father, and mother had given me growing up, and I was able to use them to my advantage. I'll always rely on their love and protection. And I will grab from the wisdom they instilled in me, and experiences have strengthened.

They gave me energy at conception, and I feel as if they still do.



Susan Thom is the mother of three children, two sons, 20 and 23, and a daughter 25. Her older son is in the air force in Germany right now, and her daughter is in the army in Tacoma, Washington.

Writing calms her, and gives her a place to go by herself! Clears the head and gets it out. She lives in a rural area, with a lake and mountains, and her partner, and has loved writing since she was a child.

She has been on a journey of self discovery for twenty years, and has learned many things about the human mind, and how to maintain some semblance of calm and peace within.

If someone reads one of her stories, and relates to her feelings, and gets a suggestion on how she dealt with them in a positive way, that would be the ultimate gift of her writing.

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