Do You Have An Internal Editor
Posted: Wednesday, November 25, 2009
by Susan Thom
So often, our minds think of words strung together, and then blurted out. We don't realize that if we took some time to listen to our internal editor, we wouldn't say half the things that we shouldn't. There would be less hard feelings between family and friends, and no insults to those existing in their own private worlds. How often have we said to ourselves, " Maybe I shouldn't have said that."
There are words that put others on the defense, when in simplicity, these words can be said in a more positive way. "You better" are two words that together, spell defense. Even children can relate. "You better clean your room right now" puts them on the defense. How about, "When you're done with what you are doing, please get your room cleaned." Words, and yet powerful and attached to feelings. "Come on, we have to go school shopping" doesn't give anyone a chance to get ready. Maybe your son is in a fight for his life video game. You may not know this, but he does.
"How would you like to go shopping when you're done with your game?" is so much better received. The answers might still be the same, but so much animosity can be eliminated most of the time. Communication can be enhanced and relationships balanced. I was always the last say, and I didn't go back on my requests, however I found a way to cohabitate with 3 kids, who did as I asked. They felt respected when orders weren't being thrown at them, but requests.
It was also reciprocal. If my son wanted a ride, he would ask politely, "Mom, do you think you could give me a ride to John's house?" so much better than, "Mom, I need to get to John's now, I need a ride." (yeah, that would go over like a ton of bricks.) The eternal editor has to become natural, and it will, in time. The use of words needs to be arranged and rearranged to get the most positive results. And once that happens, there is so much less tension and arguing, and disrespect. Everyone's happier.
I think it's an honorable thing to learn new and improved methods of communication, when the end result is peace. It doesn't matter about yesterday or 10 years ago, or 20. What matters is that we are smart enough to used our minds to realize we can monitor what we say, and use our internal editor to structure our sentences in respectful, positive ways.
I ran into a very strict, no nonsense and awnry woman the other day. I was determined to warm her up. I started talking to her, I complimented her blouse, and when I left, we were saying Happy Thanksgiving to each other, and she had helped me out. My internal editor was on, and it made a difference. Words are so very important, but I think the way they are used is even more so. Say you have your hands full, and run for the elevator, and you say, "Could you hold that, can't you see I'm trying to carry these files?" Everyone on that elevator will hit the close button. If you approach the elevator and nicely ask that they hold it for you, they will.
I think people are starting to get it. I find more people are friendly since everyone is pretty much in the same boat now. A door is always held by the person before me. People in Wal-Mart smile and are pleasant. Yes, there are still mean spirited people and unhappy people who want to take it out on the world, but on the whole, I think people are succumbing to the need to be nicer to each other. We all have been financially strapped, and I think there is a brotherhood in simply acknowledging that fact. It's as if we all feel equal now. We are! All financially broke!
And all trying to move ahead a little at a time. If we clear a spot for our internal editor, our stress levels will go down, and we may even allow someone to be themselves, instead of the angry character they have become.
Words can communicate, or they can turn someone off, it's all in the presentation. For us to be happy, and get positive feedback, we have to use our internal editor, and incorporate it into our personality. It's a gift to be able to communicate, while keeping your emotions under control.
You may ask for something, and be denied, and not say another word, and later, to your pleasant surprise, the person changes their mind. Now, had you yelled and swore and swiped all the papers off their desk, the end result would probably play out differently. Yes, the internal editor is a great tool benefits us greatly. It will also benefit those we clash with. Positive energy that is expelled, can only do good. We know we feel a lot better after speaking with someone who is kind and giving, than one who thinks the world owes them something. In reality, we owe the world. Using our internal editor will bring peace to our own lives, and those lives we touch.
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Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)Good article, Sue.The problem with my "internal editor" os he tells me "Go For It- Say it!" Then, "Why did you say THAT!?"Please log in to respond to this comment.hi anon,well, at least you're aware of the problem.delete is a great tool for the computer. we can have our own delete in our minds. it takes practice, but it not only works, it saves us and others from a whole lot of trouble.thank for reading and responding,my best regards,suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
Nice article Susan. The only thing I'd add would be the 'joking' comments that can cut so deeply. Sarcasm is a tool that is diffiuclt to fight effectively, but does more harm than most people realize.Please log in to respond to this comment.hi joyce,thank you for reading and commenting.yes, sarcasm brings up feelings of anger and doubt, and is useless if you ask me. it's nerver funny, so i guess it's supposed to be "clever." i never thought it was.thanks for stopping by,my best,suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
Yes, I think this internal editor is related to our conscience and (if we know Jesus) the Holy spirit - God says if we need wisdom to ask - what greater area is wisdom needed than in the tongue (pen or keyboard too) Thanks, this was "good stuff" Happy Thanksgiving - we do have SO much to be thankful for, don't we? MarijoPlease log in to respond to this comment.hi marijo,thanks for reading and commenting.i think if people would just learn tothink first, before they speak or react,the world would be a whole lot better off.my best regards,suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
Hi Sue.They should teach this stuff to kids in grade school. It would probably help them to get through life better than an intimate knowledge of history.Great article!DiannePlease log in to respond to this comment.
hi dianne,there is more and more proof that we areall connected. if that's the case, why wouldwe want to rob and steal and hurt each other?because we can't get it through our headsthat we are supposed to do good, not evil.thank you for reading and commeting,my best to you,suewhere are my hugs:)Please log in to respond to this comment.
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