Facing Our Fears Will Lighten Our Load
Posted: Thursday, December 17, 2009
by Susan Thom
Whatever can't be resolved, most likely will turn to anger, and sometimes, rage. Often times, we aren't even aware that we are being short with people or our kids. However, they are quite aware! We may have had a fight with our boss, or our spouse, and the anger just sits in our soul.
It festers as we try to figure out how we can get even. Never a good solution. Guilt can then accompany anger in our soul, and all kinds of emotional and physical problems may happen. Our blood pressure can rise, our immune system can fall, and we still are stuck in our original predicament.
People who have never done this, live with their anger and create an unhealthy and negative attitude towards all. Those who must deal with them feel uncomfortable. It's not the way God wants His children to behave. There will always be consequences for poor behavior, either on Earth or in Heaven.
My kids had consequences when they didn't behave. They were punished. However, I am not as strong or mighty as God, but I believe it's the same principle. We love our kids and we don't want to see them sad or hurt, but when we need to teach them a lesson, they're going to be sad and hurt. Most probably, we will be angry.
If this anger continues to mount, it shows up in our thoughts, therefore, our actions. The unfortunate part is that we affect other people, who don't even have a part in our anger. We may avoid the person or thing that annoyed us, and take our emotions out on the rest of the world.
We also can strengthen our resolve by facing what we fear. At one time, I was petrified of snakes and mice. Every bit of peace I had accumulated went right out the window when I unfortunately, came across either one. One day, my friend who had a snake that needed live mice to live, had me sit down and watch the snake eat the mice.
It was the most uncomfortable feeling, but I focused on them, 2 fears I had my whole life. When the ritual was done, I no longer feared either. I've seen mice in the garage, and just went about my business, and snakes still make queasy, but I can deal. When I watch the nature shows I no longer have to hide my eyes.
As I was growing up, my biggest fear was if my mom passed away. It would nag at me from time to time, and cause crying sessions. I lived with that fear in my heart, and I couldn't totally be free. When I was in my early 20s, she developed breast cancer. My fears looked like they were about to be realized.
She suffered for 3 months in the hospital, and then, when no one was with her, she passed away. It was a horrific period of time. I grieved, I felt hurt deeper than ever before, I felt alone and empty, and as if my security blanket was taken from me. it took a long time to adjust. However, my fear had been realized, watching her lie in a box for over two days.
Once I could think rationally again, I moved on and had to defuse the anger. It took a few years to recognize what I was doing, and to go for help. I began with books on anger and grief and emotions, and I graduated to the 12 steps.
There I learned so much. It was all common sense, written down in a book, but I wasn't being sensible before I joined. I learned about helpful sayings and working on my character traits, and changing them to better ones. Of course, I also was able to stay away from a drink.
So much chaos was lifted. I feared I'd never be able to stop drinking. I thought about it often. Once I faced my fear, I was able to start dealing with it, and there were plenty of people to help. I became very involved in the program, I shared, chaired meetings, and spoke in front of up to a hundred people.
I went to a meeting every night for over 4 years, and I will be sober for 16 years in March. Now, that's what can happen when you face your fears, and stop the anger. I blamed everybody who I thought had contributed to my anger and frustration. Some were justified, I concentrated on those that weren't.
I learned that we are all responsible for ourselves. If I was going to be angry at anybody, it was going to be me. If I focused on doing the right things, and being a good person, my fears could be eliminated. Not all, but more than before. There were still people that lived to aggravate and taunt, but they were out of my control.
I think if we all faced the things that cause fear to lie deep within, and then do the work it takes to build our self esteem up to be strong and prideful, we would have a lot less angry and frustrated people. The trick is to identify what your anger stems from; a bad relationship with parents, a love affair gone bad. Kids who used to pick on you, or your dad giving your brother your car to take to college.
Get past it all. It isn't doing anything good or positive for you. When you find yourself more angry than happy, maybe it's time to do some learning and growing. The fear you have is stunting your potential. It's holding you back from being all you can be. And it's causing you to be on the verge of anger at all times.
When the people around you are always waiting for the other shoe to drop, that's a pretty good hint that you may have a problem. Maybe your fear is the thought of having to work through your feelings, and learn new ways to handle things. Everything stems from fear. Maybe it's time you break that connection.
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Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)Good articlePlease log in to respond to this comment.hi erin,thank you for reading and commentingi appreciate it,my best regards,suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
It's hard to think of anything to add to this article. Written by someone who really has been there. It seems that the more you fear something, the more likely it is to happen. Such as dropping something fragile when agitated about dropping it. This applies to the big stuff too, making it more likely to happen when thinking about it often. Sometimes letting go of the anxiety will not guarantee a perfect life, but will make things easier to take in one's stride. After all, whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger - right?Please log in to respond to this comment.hi marjorie,yes, i think sometimes we can jinx ourselves.i do believe whatever doesn't kill you makes you strongeryou should feel my biceps :)thanks for reading and commenting.i do appreciate it,my best regards,suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
Another wonderful article Susan. My most heartfelt congratulations to you for doing what you needed to do to face, and eliminate your fears, or just be rational about any that were left over. I've seen so many people who would rather stay with known pain than risk changing. I have some trouble understanding this, as my M.O. is "I hate pain, and will do whatever needs to be done to get rid of it." I do truely belive "What you think about, you bring about." Keep writing, we all need to hear the things you have to say, and you say them so well.Please log in to respond to this comment.hi joyce,thank you for the lovely comment.i'm so glad you are enjoying the articles.i'll keep writing if you keep reading :)my best regards,suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
Once again, you hit the nail on the head! When I'm angry, I do an inventory on myself and my anger always comes down to fear - fear of not getting what I want, or losing what I have! So glad you found 12 steps... I find them to be very healing. Great article - once again.Please log in to respond to this comment.hi shalisha,i'm glad you liked the article. i pinpoint the way i feel by what i am fearing at the time, also. it's a good tool to have.thank you for reading and commenting,my best regards,suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
Good article Sue with some great information. It is not easy to face your fears and/or let go of anger. Thanks for sharing.Please log in to respond to this comment.hi linda,thank you for reading and commenting.it's so nice when we get a comment on an article.i appreciate it,have a great new year,my best regards,suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
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