Where Does A Mother Stop, And A Child Begin
Posted: Thursday, August 19, 2010
by Susan Thom
I have always thought of myself as a good mother, but I would guess I'd have to ask each of my three kids about that. They are adults now, and if I were brave enough, I guess I could ask them! If I go by the way they talk with me and call me and e mail me, I would have to say there's a great deal of love between us. They remember me on birthdays and holidays, and even though they are 19, 23, and 25, my heart still melts when I hear them call me, "Mom."
This could be anything from what went on in school, to how they built a fort, or what their favorite cartoon was. I knew my kids. I could feel their inner cores, and I believe they could feel mine. When they were sick, it was as if I was ill myself. I had a hard time defining the boundaries of where they began, and I ended. When they felt hurt, I felt hurt. When they were happy, I was happy.
One of my boys is the same sign as I am, born ten days after, and I have always known how he was feeling, and many times, what he was thinking. When he was in an accident, I could sense something was wrong. It was no surprise to me to get the call. Luckily, he wasn't hurt. Whenever he calls, I always know it's him. I'm my own caller ID. My daughter and I love each other and admire each other, and I'm very proud of all my kids.
One of them is having a rough time right now, and I am trying to help them. This economy doesn't allow for young kids to easily work, and be able to afford a car and insurance and an apartment, etc. It's hard enough for adults, and nearly impossible for the young. Sometimes, I can feel my heart ache, and that saying has come to have new meaning to me as a mother. I am more fearful for them than I ever was for myself.
Everything is so much more expensive. Gas, food, necessities, security deposits, rent, furniture, clothes, sneakers, and the list goes on. I don't know how to live my life without worrying about theirs'. Two of my children are in the military, and one is trying to make it on his own, so I feel the fear and anxiety of a mother who just wants to hold all three of them on my lap. Where are their baby blankets that used to comfort them? Will they ever feel secure again?
Will I ever feel secure knowing what they're doing? Faith is the glue holding me together, but sometimes, that even lets go. I remember it after I've reached my lowest point, and I try to face my fears with the knowledge that God will help them and watch over them. But accidents happen. Bad things happen. Not God's fault, but hurtful just the same.
And those are the things I worry about. The things that happen that God doesn't prevent because they are part of our lives and our development. Our choices, our decisions, or being at the hand of others' choices and decisions. I don't just accept my child is depressed, I feel it. I don't know how to separate myself from them. Is it really that simple to just let go?
I know it's really that hard not to! I think I was in denial that my kids would ever grow up. I never gave it a thought that they would leave. I wanted it to stay like it was forever, but, things happen, times change, and people move on, even children. When people said, "Enjoy them while they're young, they'll grow up fast," they really knew what they were talking about. May God bless them and keep them in His care.
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Top-level comments on this article: (3 total)I never had children of my own Susan, but I do know how you feel about your kids. I have plenty of nephews and nieces that I feel for myself.Please log in to respond to this comment.hi david,i also, have many nieces and nephews, 10 to be exact, and i know what you mean. i love them as my own.thanks for reading and commenting,my best,suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
Amen to that Susan. It's hard to see them become adults themselves. I don't think we ever stop caring and wishing we take those blankets and hold them safe.GracePlease log in to respond to this comment.exactly. those blankets held the security that is very hard to find these days. thank you for reading and responding,my best,suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
Yes, Sue. May God Bless them and keep them safe. I can FEEL the love in your words. Your children are very lucky to have a Mom, (capitalized on purpose), like you!Please log in to respond to this comment.hi ken,it's nice to hear from you.i appreciate you reading and responding.there is a lot of love, and sometimes,that also means a lot of hurt.hopefully, the happy times outweigh the bad,my best to you,suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
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