Shame Won’t Provide Absolution For The Mistakes We’ve Made
Posted: Wednesday, August 25, 2010
by Susan Thom
No one is born knowing all the right answers to life's never ending situations and occurrences. We learn as we grow, through many different people and circumstances, some we might not even realize. Our parents are generally there to guide and prepare, or maybe other family members. There are many who are raised by grandparents or aunts and uncles. The fact still remains, we live and learn.
And then, our own spirit and thoughts and feelings come into play. There are those who don't learn from credible, trustworthy people, and unfortunately, their lives are affected in a negative manner. And some are presented the right information, but for whatever reason, choose to live a life of betrayal and crime. They know right from wrong, they've been taught it, but they would rather steal and lie their lives away.
There are those of us who have been taught well, and try our best to live a decent and giving life. However, things happen, and events change who we set out to be. We trust, and find out we have trusted the unworthy. We may see the good in someone, only to find out later down the road that our feelings were misplaced. We may find some who are manipulative, and try to cheat life at every turn.
We blame ourselves for not seeing through their mask, as if their behavior is our fault. We trust, and are dismayed and disillusioned when we find we have placed that trust in the wrong spot. We are ashamed at our lack of foresight. How could we have been so blind? How could we have let our feelings run so deep? However, shame won't provide absolution for the mistakes we've made. And it won't make them go away.
Shame does nothing but bring us down and penetrate our soul with a false sense of who we are. We think we must be a bad person to have made the mistakes we did, when in reality, we simply were too trusting and sometimes, naive. Nothing can come of blame, but we can learn from those mistakes, and change the parts of ourselves that can cause us harm, as well as all we come in contact with.
It's amazing how much calmer one can be when they choose the right words. For example, some prefaces to sentences will bring out aggression in the one you are talking to: "What, are you nuts?", "Why would you?", "Don't you ever think?", "What the Hell did you do that for?" To put it simply, "Them's fighting' words."
If you watch what you are saying, and how you are saying it, you will find you'll get along with others a lot better, and life will be a lot easier. Once we learn how to correct some of the problems we have communicating, we will feel less shame about our mistakes, because we will be making less of them! The mistakes we've made in the past can not be absolved, but if we are earnest in our desire to change the way we think, act, and react, we will have less to feel guilty over from now on.
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Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)Good advice you give here Susan, thanks for sharingPlease log in to respond to this comment.hi david,thank you for reading and commenting,always appreciated,my best,suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
I have found that even my negative experiences have brought some good. In trusting people sometimes the wrong ones, it was painful but it also strengthened my relationship with God. It sounds like it also brought you a little more wisdom. Good article Sue.Please log in to respond to this comment.hi linda,thanks for reading and commenting, i appreciate it.yes, i, too, believe there are lessons in everything, even though they may be painful.my best to you,suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
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