Waking Up To Yourself Can Be Exhausting
Posted: Saturday, November 06, 2010
by Susan Thom
When we are born, we are these little beings who cry and wet and eat and smile. We are in a bright and different environment and all is new for us to see. We experience love and dislike, and learn about different foods and beverages. We quickly discover how comforting a hug and a kiss are, and anticipate them for the way they make us feel. We seem to be thinking more and more, and discovering all around us at an alarming rate.
As we grow, we make mistakes, and if we are aware enough, we can correct whatever it is we do that makes bad things happen. If we are getting poor grades, we can study more or hire a tutor or stay after school for special help. However, there is a time, and hopefully, only a "time" when we all do things we regret later on in life. It may have sounded like a good idea to dance on the stage at the club half naked. It might have sounded like a good idea to skip gym so many times, we had to repeat twelfth grade.
The balance of good and bad is evident in most people. Are we the good, the bad, or a combination of the two? Thinking about our character and integrity doesn't usually come until we are old enough to appreciate the difference between the two. We move on after high school, and eventually, we may marry and have kids of our own. Life is busy. Preparations are hectic for the wedding and reception. The honeymoon is romantic and like a dream come true.
The kids keep you up all night, and sleep all day. They grow and pre school and regular school begin. There is so much to do in your "dream come true." You are busy about eighteen hours out of every day. Your best friend changes from Marianne to "sleep!" The years go by just as fast as everyone said they would. And one day, you are saying good-bye as one by one, they leave the nest. You are happy for them, sad for yourself, but it's time for all to find their way. It takes time to adjust-no one running down the stairs, no more cries of "mom?" all through the day and night, no more 10 loads of laundry a week, it's just you, and maybe a spouse or a partner.
As time goes on, and you readjust to a whole new lifestyle, you most probably begin to think about life and your part in it. As I live through my fifties, I know I've lived at least half of my life. I have a close friend who tells me things about myself in an effort for me to learn the identity of my problems. No easy task for them, and no easy lessons for me. The truth is usually a hard pill to swallow. I try to mend and bend and turn and yearn.
There is still a wandering feeling within that needs to be satisfied. I'm not sure what it is right now, it could be my writing, but I know it's there. I have been exposed to many things in the past and I am using my experiences to be a happier person and absorb the knowledge of those situations, and keep the thoughts coming. Those thoughts are what analyze behavior, and push us through life, always trying to do better. We can realize that it's not always what you say, but how you say it. Two different ways, two different outcomes.
One way can keep a good relationship going, and one way can destroy it in no time. There is also a benefit when you try to talk or present a subject or problem in a simplistic and casual way, and that benefit is less arguing and more getting along. This allows us to be who we truly are, and keeps us out of the bottomless pit of loneliness and denial. There's no time for freeze outs when there is so many nicer things we can do. Walking hand and hand with our mate in the beautiful sunshine, through a beautiful garden, is a lot better than ignoring each other.
It's as if we were one person before, and now life has changed, and we've moved on to a different space. Looking at our shortcomings, especially when they are evident to those who love us and "share!" is difficult and of course, humbling. However, if we really think about what someone close to us says, and work on changing the problem spots in our personality, not only do we prosper, but our relationships are calmer and more insightful. It's as if we've been asleep to our short temperament or our booming voice or our refusal to try new things.
Getting into a mode of improvement can be very exhausting. Facing ourselves usually is, and some never do. However, those who do take on the hard work of evaluating their attitudes and ways of thinking, acting, and reacting. Life becomes more enjoyable, and those who care for us, usually notice a difference right away. This isn't to say we were bad people before, but we all can use a little improvement here and there. "Good morning honey" can change a person's whole day. It's cheerful, it shows kindness and concern, and it's better than, "ugh!"
Sometimes, we have to get to the core of who we are, usually by someone s perception of us that we trust and is honest and helpful. It may be uncomfortable to own up to our faults, but if we listen, and change, we can be happier than we were before. While we are going through our "life" realization and change, it is exhausting. We are admitting things to ourselves that we may not like, or are ashamed of. We have to learn how to say things in a better fashion. "No thank you" is a lot better than, "I told you I didn't want any." It makes a big difference what words come out of our mouth's, and if those words are exhausting us and our relationships, maybe we need to come up with a better plan.
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Top-level comments on this article: (3 total)Good article Susan, you bring out some good points here.Please log in to respond to this comment.hi david,
thank you for reading and commenting.
in answer to your question, where have you been? in my head!
hope i'm coming out again.
my best to you,
suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
Sue! It's so good to see you around here again!
"There is still a wandering feeling within that needs to be satisfied." I've said those words myself lately. For me, it's a sense that I want (or need) to settle into a different routine.
Jean and I are figuring out what life will be like as our kids move out (our first moved out a few months ago) we have a sense that we exist for more than just to be good parents to our children. We've always known this, of course, but it has been easier to not think about it as we pour our lives into our kids. We have two more kids at home, the youngest is 10, so it will be a while before we settle into our final routine I guess.
Anyway, I love reading your words again. Hope you can stay for a while.Please log in to respond to this comment.hi bruce,
thanks for the support.
always appreciated.
my son got home saturday from germany, for a month.
i know we'll enjoy his stay.
i also hope i will stay for a while. (writing)
my loss of a job (as mother) to 3 kids within a short period of time, and after 20 years, caught up to me.
hopefully, i've got it ironed out now.
i hope i can keep the balance,
my best to you,
suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
Hi Sue - how are you dear friend? Beautifully said as usual. I have missed you! Love and hugs, tPlease log in to respond to this comment.hi t,
i've missed you, too.
thanks for stopping by.
i always appreciate your comments,
love,
suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
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