I Did What I Knew How To Do, And The More I Know Better, The More I Do Better
Posted: Tuesday, September 20, 2011
by Susan Thom
I believe shame is the most harmful of emotions. To feel ill towards your inner being, outer shell, and thinking process of your own mind, is to bring yourself to your knees. Second guessing our decisions is good for future growth, but obsessing over bad choices is only harmful to our health and our psyche, I believe. And I believe it, because it has happened to me, several times in this lifetime.
There were many years I couldn’t get out of bed. What my mind was thinking about was so painful and foreign to me that I escaped through sickness. I don’t ever want to go back there again, and I don’t believe I ever will. I have learned better ways of dealing with pain and confusion. Disillusionment is a very deep and sorrowful emotion. I have physical illnesses and medications that all cause the same things, and depression is the deepest of all.
Therefore, a mode of absorbing unexpected and unwanted situations needed to be enlightened and followed. Lessons learned needed to be remembered and at the forefront of my mind. I made a commitment to myself 20 years ago to stay away from alcohol, and have managed to do so, but I would love to sip on some scotch sometimes. I have to figure out what to do in those times so I won’t pour the liquid I so desire at the time. I have to use my mind.
I have to "think, think, think", as pooh says. Those words never meant so much to me as they do in the present, and I’ve heard them hundreds of times since my kids were young. How will what I say affect another? Will it make them happy, excited, calm, at ease, or frustrated and angry? Why would you want to make someone else angry? Self defense or self preservation is understandable. All bets are off in those cases. On the average day, we can improve on our character to the point of enlightening ourselves and others; simple.
Not really, but on those days that we are able to give back to family, friends, nature, people we pass along our way, and thus, ourselves, we have accomplished what I call God’s plan for me. It’s what He wants me to do, in my mind, anyway. It seems right to me. I want to do the right thing, I want to help myself and others, and I want to be able to handle painful situations without panic and stress.
Sometimes, that’s impossible for me to do, but I am learning with each episode, how to calm myself and get in and out as easily as possible. I know of so many who live their entire lives, and never change. They let little things upset them, they yell instead of talk, they are nervous and flighty, they talk about other people, and beat up those who talk about them. They are judgmental, and yet despise those who judge them. There are those who lie, cheat, and steal.
We all can change our nature by nurturing it. Getting rid of the bad baggage that created it in the first place, is the catalyst to a more peaceful way of life. This is my opinion, but it worked for me. This is not to say I don’t have my periods of sadness, depression, and remorse, because I do. Knowing some hints to do during those times makes life so much easier. I write a lot when I am upset about something, and I clean, and walk outside, read, talk to friends, email, sleep, watch tv, and get back to a place of positivity and strength. Once there, I try to give back. Someone is always in need of an open heart and another opinion. In helping others, we help ourselves. Life might just be prep school for "Higher learning."
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