When I Take A Long Look In The Mirror, This Is What I See...
Posted: Monday, September 26, 2011
by Susan Thom
As I look at myself in the mirror at 55, with three grown children, and a divorce behind me, and many negative obstacles continually accumulating over the years, I see aging, depression and disappointment, but more importantly, I see positivity and strength. I am at a place where I am supposed to be, so I might as well learn how to live in my own skin. It doesn’t mean things won’t change, I’m counting on them to, but for now, I am learning to handle things that happen, with a better frame of mind.
I am tired baby-sitting adults and getting blamed for their inability’s to live life on life’s terms. I am done trying to keep the wolves at bay. This is the time for me to enjoy life and to realize that I have done all I can, and now I can worry about me and the quality of my life. When I look in the mirror, I see someone with convictions, and boundaries and Faith that the rest of my life will be easier than the past. I see strength in the eyes of myself looking deep within me. I am no longer responsible for anyone else but myself, and that’s a good feeling.
I have earned that feeling, and I am not going to feel guilty if I sleep late or take a nap, or 2 or even 3! Whose business is it? And who cares? I don’t anymore. Those days of worrying about the Jones’ is long gone. If I want to take the garbage down in my flannel pajamas, so be it. If I want to live in pajamas until I go out, and even sometimes then, so what? Who am I hurting? I have helped an elderly woman who had fallen, a woman who couldn’t get her wheelchair out of the back of the car at Wal-mart, and lifted groceries out of a man’s cart in a scooter, because he couldn’t reach them.
I did all this in nice fleece pajamas! I wonder what the people who wore clothes did that day? Talked about me! No matter. When I look in the mirror, I know who I am and what I stand for, no matter what I’m dressed like. I know I have a soul, and it’s a decent soul who has had to deal the bad element of life for way too long. Put me in pajamas! Actually, it probably did- they made me feel soft and warm and cozy and safe, things I wasn’t feeling in life. When I look in the mirror, I see determination and resilience and desire to live life to it’s fullest.
I may have to wait a little while, but it will happen. I will make it happen. As strong as I have always been, I couldn’t fight the evils in man (and women) that I was unprepared for. I was a sitting duck, and I paid for it. I’ll never make that mistake again. When I look in the mirror I see a promise in my eyes that lets me know everything will be alright if I just think what I need to think, love whom I want to love, and act the way I know I should. I know I will be reaching a higher plane someday, and until then, I shall enjoy all the Lord has given me.
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Top-level comments on this article: (10 total)Very good article Susan, yes it doesn't matter what our neighbor thinks of us. We only have our God to answer to.Please log in to respond to this comment.hi david,
that's what i believe, too.
most pajama sets cover more than shor jeans and halter tops anyway....
my best to you,
suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
great, confident, purposful essayPlease log in to respond to this comment.hi jack,
they say, :Write about what you know"
i did.
thank you for reading and commenting,
mu best regards,
suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
Good and cool. Thanks for sharing . You said it all.Please log in to respond to this comment.hi hilda,
thank you for reading and commenting.
i guess i was having a burst of "me" when i first saw the assignment.
it's about time, huh? :)
my best to you,
suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
Hi Sue.
I don't have faith that the rest of my life will be easier, but I do know that I will deal with whatever happens to the best of my ability and that there is a lot that I can handle with equanimity.
If I were standing beside you and looking into your mirror with you, I know that I would see exactly you, just as you described yourself. You are strong and flexible and forward-thinking.
Thanks for sharing!
Hugs,
DiannePlease log in to respond to this comment.hi di,
thanks for the nice compliment
sometimes, i try to be all things to all people, and it doesn't work.
if i just be myself, then things usually work, and if they don't, I'll ride the storm.
i hope all is well,
my best to you,
suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
Very honest article. People don't always write that transparently. Believe it or not, but my brand new theory of life called 'Life Cycles' has something to say about your current age. It should represent some sort of turning point in your life. I base my theory on biographical evidence only, so it is not in the realms of the paranormal or esoteric. Good luck to you.
Reagrds,
Neil KillionPlease log in to respond to this comment.hi neil,
thank you for reading and commenting, and for the nice compliments.
writing comes from my soul, and i guess others feel that, and if it's a good feeling, I'm happy to spread it around.
my best regards,
suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
We can never be everything to everybody. It's tough lessons learned. You have been through life, have learned, and have come to accept. You are the person of the life you have lived and it has made you strong, independent, caring and determined. Congratulations for being you. It would be wonderful to meet you, stand next to you and peer into the mirror with you and then say to you, "You have become a beautiful woman."Please log in to respond to this comment.hi mare,
thank you for reading and commenting.
i am definitely the sum of ALL my experiences. good and bad.
acceptance, for me, took a lot of hurt and pain, but the more i accept, the less hurt and pain i feel.
all my best,
sue
Please log in to respond to this comment.
There's nothing like knowing you're where you're supposed to be. Keep up the great writing, Sue!Please log in to respond to this comment.hi bruce,
thank you for reading and commenting.
it's all in the mind, body, and soul.
my best to you,
suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
Great writing Sue, I couldn't agree with you more. I may be only 38 but I've did my part for life, I've taking care of my mother until she died; taken care of my 12 year old daughter in her last days of life, taken care of my foster son until i was grown, and been in 3 failed marriages. Now it's my time to shine and take care of me.Please log in to respond to this comment.you better believe it Jessie (i love that name, and it's my new daughter-in-laws name, whose birthday is today, she and my son are in Germany-he is in the air force there.
at 38, i had 3 kids, my mom had passed away recently, (she and i were very close,)and i drank way too much (when my ex was around to watch the kids) i just couldn't deal with the thoughts in my head, so i tried to drown them out. pass out=no thoughts, no thoughts=no feelings.
i have been out of that roller coaster for 20 years, thankfully, but i was in it for about 18!
i wish you all the luck.
i am here for you at any time.
my best to you,
suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
Wow, what a great article. I really don't like looking in the mirror, don't like to listen to my old radio shows or read my articles either. I just like to do and go on from there. I am like you though in the fact that I go out sometimes looking like a nut, shorts with big work boots and sweat pants that simply are out of sync with everyone else around--I laugh though--I am what I am....
Good luck with your great and realistic belief in yourself.Please log in to respond to this comment.ah yes, the days of not caring what others think anymore. marvelous!
3 kids dressed with nice shoes or sneakers, for 20 years...done!
i have pants and button down shirts that are flannel and nice and comfy and warm, that i wear to the store sometimes-the ones that don't look like pajamas, and i am more covered that the girls i see walking around in tight low cut shirts and short jeans up their butt!
thanks for reading and commenting steve.
when i read an article of mine, for whatever reason, it doesn't happen often, i don't even recognize my own writing.
i compiled a book of about 25 of my articles, and i sent the LAST set of corrections in today. feels good.
have a nice weekend,
my best regards,
suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
Really awesome article Susan. I especially enjoyed that part of helping out in your pyjamas! really. That people would notice the pyjamas more than what you did for others. Has got me thinking hard :)Please log in to respond to this comment.hi ngina,
i'm glad you enjoyed the article, and you left left such a nice comment.
thank you for joining my fanclub. i do appreciate it. i hope you'll continue reading. only a little over 800 more to go :)
my best regards,
suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
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