Learn How To Behave At An Early Age
Posted: Saturday, October 08, 2011
by Susan Thom
We all have our own coping skills, whether they are right or wrong, weak or strong. Depending on who we spent each day with as a child, usually defines how we will cope with each situation. If the way we were exposed to dealing with anger and fear, was to rebel and answer back, then we will go through a miserable existence until we figure it out. "It" is the basics; Get to the bottom of who we are and why we act and react the way we do. Once we know, we can work on it. Life is better.
Other people shouldn’t have to suffer for our shortcomings or misinformed triggers to our anger. The more together we can get ourselves, the better off we will be, and especially our kids or family that is young enough to learn a right from a perpetuated wrong. We need to know not to tell our child to hit the chair that just hurt them when they ran into the dining room too fast, and rammed their toe into the leg of the table. I did so myself a couple of years ago, and broke my toe. It was my own fault, I was in a hurry and wasn’t paying attention, or focusing on what I was doing.
Our children also have to learn that it was their own fault, not the table’s. This lends to not blaming outside stimuli for their own mistakes, and when held accountable, not to shriek in anger. It puts the responsibility on them, and teaches them to accept that responsibility. I believe that if we do things for our children, that they should be doing for themselves, we are doing them a great disservice. My rule was always, "if you can take it off the shelf and play with it, you can put it back."" If you know how to put your knit winter gloves on, but are asking me, I say "Put them on yourself."
If you are too tired to walk up the steep hill with me because you begged me to take you sleigh riding, either push yourself, or, I’ll see you later. If one knows how to drop something, they should know enough to pick it up. There are always exceptions, as with everything, but there also is common sense, and teachers, and parents who hopefully know what they’re doing. I was hit and miss. Some things I excelled at, and sometimes, I didn’t have a clue. And some things I learned, and put into practice. My saving grace was that I was aware there may be better ways of doing things, and thinking and reacting, and if I could learn those ways, my life would be calmer and happier.
I kept reading books and watching Oprah, who, for all the jokes about her, I learned a lot from her show. The different psychiatrists and behaviorists, etc., made a lot of sense, and helped me in my life. Maya Angelou was a guest one day when I was feeling like a real waste, and she said to me, in my living room, "We do what we know how to do, and when we know how to do better, we do better." Those words erased the guilt and shame, and made room for the strength and purpose. I new I could change and somehow make amends with the past, and move on in a positive spirit.
We get so down on ourselves over our shortcomings, if we recognize them, or our anger. We need to remember that if we take the time to read, if need be, or watch a movie from the library, or watch a documentary in our own living rooms, we won’t end up isolating ourselves to our own little space on this Earth, huddled in a corner, bending over a keyboard, and looking at a monitor.
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Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)Susan,
What a wonderful article! The truth you have discovered is heartfelt. I find that looking ahead is far healthier -- emotionally and physically -- than focusing on the past. And throught all of it? Growing, learning and then reaching an age where wisdom becomes part of our life.
Thanks for a great read.Please log in to respond to this comment.hi nancy,
it's nice to hear from you.
thank you for reading and commenting
with such enthusiasm.
my best regards to you,
suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
great article. thanks for writing.Please log in to respond to this comment.thank you for reading and commenting,
my best regards,
suePlease log in to respond to this comment.
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